And so it was that the forces of Orkish orthodoxy—an odd concept if ever we’ve heard one—arrived at the Island or Doctor Morork, intent on stamping out both the Grot Rebellion and the Doctor’s unnatural experiments. Led by Warboss Vince, they included a unit of ‘Ard Boyz (in a Battlewagon), MegaNobz (+Trukk), three Mobz of Boyz (two with Shootas, one with Sluggas), Tankbustas, Stormboyz (+Zagstruk), Kommandos (+Snikrot), Deffkoptas, and a single Deff Dread (2,500 points).

Defending the secret island laboratory were Dr. Morork, Mad Dok Grotsnik, a Big Mek with Shokk Attack Gun, a second Big Mek with a KFF located inside a very formidable Stompa, a unit of Nobz, a couple of units of Grot rebels, three Killa Kans, and unit of Big Gunz. The local tribes assisted too, contributing a Tribal Idol, a unit of Feral Grot infantry, two units of Spider-Riders, and a Feral Lobba. The expected unit of Grot Surfers failed to show up, since they were apparently… well, surfing.

Deep inside his volcanic headquarters, Doctor Morork prepared to use his fearsome collection of secret (and rather random) weapons. Throughout the battle the Orks would find themselves beset by the automated Zzzap Gunz, boobytraps, and even Nuklear Misslez hidden on the island.

The Stompa and its crew sensed there was zogging to be had. Between Stompa, Lobba, and SAG fire, initial Ork casualties were high, especially among the Tankbustas.

The Ork Battlewagon charged forward. Mad Doc Grotsnik stood his ground, hoping to rip it apart. It didn’t work out well for the late Doc…

Deffkoptas descended on the feral grot village, hoping to destroy their precious Idol.

However, the (spider) cavalry arrived in the nick of time, to push them out.

The Stompa decided to have a go at the pesky Battlewagon…

…which was soon turned into a twisted pile of rather less pesky scrap metal. In a fury, waves of Orks would throw themselves at the Mek monstrosity.

While taking some damage, the Stompa stomped them, and the ground beneath its feet rapidly assumed the colour and consistency of day-old guacamole. In the background, the volcanic lair can be seen (complete with removable top!) The attacking Deff Dread would eventually be immobilized by an automated Zzzap Gun hidden in the boulders.

On the Grots’ right flank, Feral Grots faced off against Warboss Vince and the MegaNobz. While lasting somewhat longer than expected (thanks to the Grot’s poisoned weapons), the outcome was never in doubt.

Stormboyz headed towards the village. They would soon overrun it, and the Idol would be lost!

On the Grots’ left flank a unit of Kommandoz arrived and immediately ran into the tunnel leading to Doctor Morork’s secret (or apparently not-so-secret laboratory). They were stopped just short of their objective and routed, however, by a small band of loyal Nob bodyguards. Thereafter, a mob of Shoota Boyz killed off their Grot opponents and also headed towards the volcanic lair.

The Stormboyz decided to join the melee against the Stompa. More guacamole!

All the Stomping was to no avail, however. The Boyz broke through the Nobz in the tunnel, and forced their way into the control room. After several rounds of bitter claw-to-Klaw fighting, they finally vanquished Doctor Morork! The rebellion was crushed—for now.

Usually orthodoxy is not such a big thing among Orks. However, putting forward the heretical notion that Grots should be treated as equals—and, indeed, could be the backbone of an elite fighting force—was too much for the Warbosses-that-be. There had been tales of Grot rebellions before, although no one dared speak of them openly. An Orkish Inquisitor was thus dispatched at the head of an Ork Army to put an end to the scientific heresies of Dr. Morork, and snuff out all traces of an incipient Grotshevik Revolution.

Terrain: Jungle island! Feral Grot village with idol! Secret Volcano laboratory! What more do you want?

Forces: 2,500 points each. This includes Dr. Morork’s mysterious secret weapon, controlled from deep within his hidden laboratory.

Special Scenario Rules: Grot and Feral Grrot rules here. Also, the jungle is dangerous! When dicing to move through difficult terrain, if any die shows a “1″ consult the following table. Units rolling an extra die (for example, because of the Move Through Cover Special rule) may choose to reroll once on the table.

In memory of all the Greenskins who perished on the sands of Swaaarghrd Beach, we present the following pictoral tribute (photos all courtesy of Jason, who documented the game when not slaughtering Orks).

The Allies made careful plans, ordering low, fast Spitfungus reconnaissance aircraft to take detailed photos of key objectives…

One key objective was the gun battery at Squigville, which overlooked Swaaarghrd Beach.

The landings would face beach obstacles, a high seawall, bunkers, tank traps, trenches, barbed wire, and minefields—as well as the remarkably numerous 716th Imperial Guard.

The woods and fields of the Orkandy countryside looked deceptively quiet.

The allies hoped to capture the coastal town of Orkeham.

Although the approaches to the town (Sector Mork) were held by formidable fortifications.

The initial night-time landings by the 6th Orkborne Division went well. Heavy AA fire would mean that one unit of Stormboyz were dropped far from their intended DZ, but in the best Orkborne tradition they marched towards the sound of the dakka and arrived only a little late.

The Stormboyz and Glida Nobz assaulted the defences, destroying the guns, the bastion, and the squishy pink hummies inside. Warboss Sean and his paraNobz took point-blank fire from three Imperial Autocannon and an infantry squad without casualty, thanks to the effective work of their Painboy. Unfortunately the Stormboyz accidentally detonated a crate of ammunition while destroying the gun, suffering heavy casualties in the resulting explosion.

And as dawn rose, the 6th Orkborne were pressing on to capture the strategic Wyvern Bridge. If they could hold it, they might block any counterattack by the 21st Space marines from reaching the invasion beaches.

The initial Firestorm destroyed both the central bunker, and a house in Fungus-sur-Mer containing an Imperial commander (who escaped the barrage). Unfortunately, the landings did not go as planned: two-thirds of the first wave was sunk at sea by Imperial Guard heavy weapons fire, leaving only a limited number of Boyz to storm the beaches.

Being Boyz, however, they Waaagh-ed forward regardless, plunging headlong into the withering fire of massed Imperial Guard troops.

The second wave arrived, but more than half of its boats would be sunk too—including all the Greenskin heavy armour.

Mobz of Kommandoz and Tankbustas did make it ashore, and ran forward up the beach.

Some of the Boyz even made it up and over the wall. Bunkers were ripped apart, and those unfortunately Impies who remained in the trenches were slaughtered.

The 6th Orkborne, having captured Wyvern Bridge, waited for the inevitable counter-attacks.

They weren’t long in coming. First Imperial Guard and then Space Marine reinforcements moved against them.

The 6th Orkborne fought valiantly, but would eventually be overcome.

At Orkeham the Imperial Guard counterattacked too, trying to push the Orks back into the sea.

The Ork leadership fought to the bitter end. Here Warboss Vince and a small group of MegaNobz prepare to rip a hole in the seawall. There aren’t many surviving Orks to exit the beach, but dammit it was one of the objectives and they’re damn well going to do it.

To the East, Mad Doc Daryl would lead his rapidly dwindling group of Boyz on a destructive rampage, until finally brought down by a closing ring of Imperial steel. Warboss Rex, who never made it ashore, would wish he taken swimming lessons (or that KFF generators floated).

Warboss Vince was assigned the landing at Swaaarghrd Beach, with forces from the 3th Orkantry Division and the 6th Orkborne.  The area is defended by the 716th Imperial Guard, a relatively low- quality unit. These forces are well fortified, however, including three large bunkers above the beach, plus trenches, minefields, obstacles, and barbed wire. In addition, there is a battery of fortified heavy guns at Squigville (protected from bombardment by a powerful void shield) that would be able to target the main landing beaches.

Imperial reinforcements are expected from the 716th Imperial Guard (generally arriving to the north and northeast) and the formidable 21st Space Marines (generally arriving to the north and northwest). The latter in particular could pose a serious threat to Allied forces.

Greenskin forces should have complete air superiority.

Allied objectives are as follows:

• Secure the two landing beaches (Sectors Mork and Gork), and breach the seawall so that vehicles can exit.
• Neutralize the gun battery at Squigville, if possible.
• Secure the towns of Fungus-sur-Mer, Orkeham, and Grotville.
• Block any counterattack from the 21st Space Marines.
• Having established a beach-head, push inland from the Orkandy beaches and exit forces to the north.

No one knew how long it had been there, buried deep beneath the trackless deserts of Ghaziben. Ten thousand years? A hundred thousand? Longer? However, when a massive sandstorm finally revealed the long-forgotten pyramid, it didn’t take long before the local inhabitants notice something. It bore the mark of the Ancients.

The Ancients themselves were a mystery, wrapped in several other mysteries, and generously coated with mystery-sauce. It was known that they were responsible for the many ruined gothic cities, strangely medieval fortifications, forgotten scrap-yards, and most especially the sundry pyramidal objects found scattered throughout the Goatronium Expansions. Some said that they had harnessed the very power of Goatronium to make themselves god-like beings. Others asserted that their civilization had been destroyed in a vast accident when they tinkered one too many times with the volatile material. Some said they various resembled bipedal badgers. Some just made up outrageous things about them in order to sell large but scientifically-questionable coffee table books, or to appear on the various daytime videoshows. The point is, no one really knew. But such was the appeal of the legends that they were known and repeated throughout known space , in a thousand tongues, and even in places where the local inhabitants had no tongues at all. The stories gave rise to great books and famous plays. One popular fast-food restaurant chain even took an Ancient pyramid as its name and corporate logo.

Would this newly-uncovered pyramid reveal the secrets of the Ancients? Did it contain, perhaps, some long-forgotten energy source of unimaginable power? A massively destructive weapon of some sort? The secret of eternal life? A horde of badger-sized clothing?

Scores of adventurers descended on the nearby village, hoping to be the first to uncover the truth. The scoffed at the warnings of the local villagers. They trekked into the desert. Few were ever seen again.

The deserts of Ghaziben, you see, were particularly dangerous. Powerful sandstorms that blotted out the sun could descend at a moment’s notice. Venomous sandspiders stalked the expanse. Most terrifying of all, giant sandworms could swallow whole any being unfortunate enough to encounter one.

Yet when all these risks were calculated by the hybrid cybernetic consciousness of Necron, the utility function appeared positive: even if some warriors might be damaged beyond the limits of repair, the potential repository of information in the pyramid could well be worth the risk and anticipated losses. Accordingly, a Monolith was dispatched to secure the Ancient construction for closer inspection. The organic life forms inhabiting the nearby village would be little impediment, nor would the local fauna be allowed to interfere. They would simply be exterminated.

The Necron did not know, however, that another force was also headed to this same location: a large mob of Orks, fresh back from raiding several Imperial colonies. The Orks, ironically, were not lured by the possibility of Ancient riches, secrets, or technology. Rather, they had understood this particular pyramid to be one of those similarly named fast-food outlets, and were merely headed to Ghaziben for a snack.

Scenario Special Rules

1,750 points per side. Dice for game type as normal. However, Ghaziben is a notoriously hostile world, so each player must also roll a D6 at the start of each turn:

1. Deceptively quiet. Nothing happens—any sandstorms end, sandspiders scuttle away, and the sandworm vanishes beneath the dunes.
2. Mysterious tracks in the desert—what could they mean?
3. Ominous clouds in the distance!
4. Sandspider. Randomly select an area of rocky terrain, and place a venomous sandspider anywhere within it.
5. Giant sandworm! Place the sandworm anywhere in the area of soft sand.
6. Sandstorm! Use the night-fighting rules. If sandstorm is rolled when one is in effect, the storm ends.

Creatures

Next, any creatures should be moved 2D6 in a random direction. Sandworms will vanish instead if they encounter a patch of rocky terrain , the pyramid, or the green area. Sandspiders will vanish if they encounter a patch of soft sand , the pyramid, or green area.

If the creature ends up with 4” of a unit (or another creature), it assaults such target.

• Sandspider: WS 3 BS 0 S3 T3 W2 I4 A2 SV 5+ poisoned weapon.
• Sandworm WS4 B0 S8 T6 W4 A2 SV 3+ monstrous creature

There is only one giant sandworm—once killed, it cannot reappear.  There is no limit to the number of sandspiders.

Terrain

• Palm grove: 4+ area cover, difficult terrain
• River: difficult terrain
• Buildings, pyramid: impassable
• Rocky terrain:  5+ area cover, difficult terrain
• Soft sand: dangerous terrain

Battle Report

Greenskin Big Mek Havaspanna Zyblot, having heard very bad things about Necron C’Tann, decided to deploy a very shooty army against the cybernetic enemy: a Shokk Attack Gun, loads of Slugga and Shoota Boyz, plus Deffguns, Lobbas, a Battlewagon, and squads of Kommandos and Stormboyz. The plan was simple: dakka da Necrons before they could do much damage. If the didn’t work, Quite-Old-But-Not-So-Old-as-Zogwort was along to turn the Necron god into a squig, if need be.

The game type was a pitched battle/seize ground. There were three objectives: the pyramid, the second near the Ork lines near the patch of soft sand, and the third near the Necron lines in the desert by the village.

The sneaky Necrons (and their sundry “counts as”) had clearly computed the risks of deploying in the open, however, and instead clustered behind cover near the village and behind their large (strangely icey) Monolith. They also didn’t bring a God with them, they stole the initiative, and a brief sandstorm blanketed the opening moments of the battle and prevented long-range shooting. By Mork and Gork’s smelly socks, what bad luck! (Above: Slugga Boyz, Shoota Boyz, and Deffguns deploy in the desert. One objective can be seen just in front of da Ork Rokkers)

The Necron Destroyers and their Destroyer Lords were slightly damaged by da Stormboyz, but managed to punch through them and kill Havaspanna Zyblot and his Grot bodyguard. The Battlewagon did not last long. The Kommandos enjoyed some success on the flank of the Necron force, but the beeping metal ones showed an annoying propensity to either resurrect or teleport out of danger. The Deffguns were uncharacteristaclly poor shots as the Necron Warriors advanced behind the cover of the fearsome and deadly monolith. Da Boyz moved forward, harassed by the occasional desert creature. (Above: Da Big Mek and Battlewagon search for a clear target as the Necrons use cover to full advantage.)

While the Slugga Boyz held on to one objective (the central pyramid), the Necrons overran the Lootas and Shoota Boyz, thereby securing two objectives. (Above: The Monolith and Warriors advance, with one objective secured to their rear. Below: The killing machines advance relentlessly. Beep!)

And thus did the desert planet Ghaziben succumb to the command of its new machine overlords…

This doesn’t work so well when it comes to transportation, however. While I picked up one new Battlewagon kit cheapish, in general Trukks, Battlewagons, and Buggies aren’t as heavily discounted, or have prohibitively high postage costs attached.

Some time ago, I picked up a half-converted WWII model that I finished off as an Ork Buggy. Even with my own rather limited modelling skills result was much nicer than the GW model. I then bought two other vehicles (one a 1/35 scale Italeri Willys “Commando Car”, the other a 1930s roadster) and converted those. The effect looks great.

This month, I happened to see a set of four WWII era M3 half tracks models (two of them the M16 AA variant) for sale. While some Orkified WWII armour models look too much like, well, WWII models, the M3 has a very “Orky” feel with it to begin with: slab sides, simple lines, lots of rivets.

I had planned to use them as Trukks, but they’re Battlewagon in size—not because they’re oversized, but because the proper GW Battlewagon is rather small for what is supposed to be a large armoured vehicle that fits up to 20 boyz. I’ll probably use them as open-topped transport Battlewagons most of the time, and free up my “proper” Battlewagon for shooty stuff.

Conversion was simple: some extra armour, other stuff, and an Ork crew. The guns on the M16 version had their barrels enlarged so that they can be used as Flakka-Dakka Trukks in Apocalypse games. I also built a removable stage, so that one could carry my Ork Rok Band into battle. Someone with more time, modelling skill, and money could to a much better job on these, but heck: they cost $6.50 each.

Mutant rats!

Glarsnot Bloodcurdle could almost taste the prized delicacy as he looked up from his battlemaps at the ancient, ruined city before him. Consultations with his Chaos allies had been brief at best. Indeed, to be honest, the Greenskin commander had dozed off a little while some very earnest (and hideously deformed) Chaos geek had explained the extraordinary scientific value of the Goatronium-enhanced rodents: Blaablahh mutation… blaa blaaa DNA…. blaaaadi blaa blaaa  (evil maniacal/demonic laugh)…. By Mork’s bloody axe, the hummies—even corrupted, demon-infested, diseased and deformed hummies—could be so boring! All that Glarsnot really cared about was getting a few of those huge furry delicacies on a stick, and grilling them.

There had been little discussion of a joint plan—the forces of Chaos were just too chaotic for that, and the Orks were thinking with their stomachs. The former would take the left flank, facing a contingent of Blood Angel Space Marines across the wreckage of the ancient industrial area. The Greenskins would take the right flank, facing Tyranids across the ruins of the shattered ancient city. And they would both look for rats. If the Chaos hummies could keep the Imperial hummies out of the Orks’ way, that would be good enough.

While there wasn’t much of a joint plan, there was an Ork plan. The most valuable rat swarms were to be found in the sewers, and that’s where Orkish Warboss intended to concentrate his forces. A unit of Kommandos would be his lead force, with orders to get into the sewers as fast as possible. Once there, their ability to move through cover would be very helpful in helping them advance as quickly as possible, capturing rats along the way. To the left and right of the sewer entrance, two large units of Shoota Boyz—da Ratskewers and da Skeweratz—would take up position, hoping to use their dakka to keep any threat at bay while the Kommandos did their work down below. Not-so-Old Zogwort (grandson of the famed Old Zogwort) was attached to the Skeweratz to add some versatility to its possible attacks. Glarsnot himself would lead a unit of Trukk-mounted Ard Boyz, prepared to reinforce positions, attack targets of opportunity, or even dismount and head down the sewers too if need be. Two Deffkoptas would come in from the flanks to harass the enemy. Finally, a battery of three Lobbas would rain destruction down upon the Tyranid infantry. Although he would never admit it to the Grots, Glarsnot had developed a considerable fondness and respect for Lobbas over the years: cheap, versatile, and the bane of lightly-armoured foot- (or claw-) sloggers everywhere. (Picture, right: the Greenskins deploy.)

The Armies

1250 points each (Movie trailer below: courtesy of the CSM video production team.)

Orks: Da West End Boyz

• Warboss Glarsnot Bloodcurdle (deployed with Ard Boyz)
• Not-so-Old Zogwort (deployed with Skewweratz Shoota Boyz)
• “Ratskewer” Shoota Boyz (25), Rokkits, Nob w/Powerklaw
• “Skeweratz” Shoota Boyz (20), Rokkits, Nob w/Powerklaw
• Ard Boyz (11), Rokkit, Nob w/Powerklaw
• Kommandos (12), Burna, Nob w/Powerklaw
• Deffkopta
• Deffkopta
• Lobbas (3)

Chaos Space Marines

• Sorcerer of Slaanesh
• CSM squad (10) with Icon of Chaos Glory
• CSM squad (10) with Icon of Chaos Glory
• Lesser Daemons (12)
• Raptors (8) with Khorne Icon
• Obliterator (2) squad
• Obliterator (2) squad

Space Marines: Blood Angels Chapter

• Reclusiarch Prayer-Brother Vincentus (with Death Company)
• Sanguinary Priest Brother Hestus (with Assault Squad)
• Furioso Librarian Venerable Guardian of the Word Lord Fineus, Dreadnought
• Assault Squad (10) “3rd Blood Wing,” with Brother Sergeant Crassus. Succumbed to the Red Thirst at the beginning of battle.
• Death Company (10) “The Black Blood” (in Stormraven)
• Death Company Dreadnought Brother Gambinus (in Stormraven)
• Stormraven Gunship “Hand of Sanguinius”

Tyranids (Hivemind Daryl)

• Tervigon
• Zoanthrope
• Zoanthrope
• Zoanthrope
• Trygon Prime
• Trygon
• Termagaunts (10)
• Termagaunts (10)
• Genestealers (6)
• Genestealers (6)
• Genestealers (6)

Necrons (Callumintron Omega)

Turn 1

The battle started well, with the Ork-Chaos alliance seizing the initiative. As planned, the Kommandos raced for the nearest manhole, and headed down. Da Ratskewer Shoota Boyz took up positions in a ruin to the left of the sewer entrance, firing rokkits at the Marine’s Stormraven gunship and shaking it. Da Skeweratz Shoota Boyz and Zogwort moved into a ruin to the right. Glarsnot and the Ard Boyz moved behind the shelter of  the large central ruin (which itself contained one of the rat objectives).

The Lobbas immediately proved their worth by bringing a  devastating salvo down on the unit of Gaunts nearest the sewer entrance across the battlefield. Seven of the ten members of the Tyranid horde were cut down by shrapnel, amid high-pitched squeaky cheers from the Grot gun crewz.

The Tyranids responded by moving forward their fearsome Trygon Prime. The few surviving members of the wounded Gaunt unit started down the sewers, but made little progress. The Tervigon started to spawn another group of Gaunts, but then halted in a screech of pain as a claw lodged somewhere in the creature’s massive uterus. In a lucky break for the Orks, there would be no more Tyranid reproduction today.

Meanwhile, as the Greenskin deployment unfolded according to plan, the forces of Chaos were less fortunate. (Picture right: CSM and Blood Angels prepare to go at each other.) A unit of Raptors had flown forward to seize the central bridge, hoping to secure two rats located nearby. They had underestimated the range of the jump-pack equipped Assault Squad and Furioso Librarian Venerable Guardian of the Word Lord Fineus. With a roar of rockets the Marines were upon them, slaughtering the defiled ones to a defiled man. With this the Assault Squad consolidated forward across the bridge, closing the distance to the Ork lines. The Stormraven moved forward, blocking Chaos access to the manhole and preparing to disgorge troops.

Turn 2

Glarsnot Bloodcurdle looked with concern at the demise of the Raptors, and the sudden arrival of a powerful squad of Space Marines on his left flank. He had heard of the dangerous hand-to-hand abilities of the Blood Angels, and had no desire to let them get in the first assault. The Trygon Prime too could be extremely dangerous too. At all costs he had to buy enough time to get the Kommandos deeper into the sewers.

Then, as if that wasn’t enough to contemplate, there was a sudden flash of lights on the battlefield, as someone—or something—teleported into the fray. Necrons! A unit of Warriors appeared near the Orkish sewer entrance, a unit of Immortals to the Orkish rear, and a second unit of Immortals on the Orkish right flank. The remaining Necron units were deeper into the Tyranid positions.

No sooner had the cybernetic warriors blinked into existence than they opened fire, killing a few of the Shoota Boyz. Exterminate all life forms! Exterminate!

Clearly the Orkish positions had to be stabilized, and stabilized fast. “OK, ladz… grab yer choppas and let’s go open some of dem der tin’eads!” he shouted to the ‘Ard Boyz as he led them from the Trukk and in a charge against the Necron Warriors. This they did, destroying much of the Necron unit. The Skeweratz to the right then opened fired on the Trygon Prime and wounded it, then followed up with a furious charge. While Not-so-Old Zogwort was cleaved in two by a gargantuan claw in the process, he inflicted enough damage on the fearsome creature to allow the rest of the Orkish unit to bring it down in a bloody heap. The Skeweratz then consolidated into the central ruin.

Da Ratskewerz poured dakka into the Blood Angels, then charged. Unfortunately, in this case some forty or so shots failed to inflict a single wound, and the Boyz came out of the hand-to-hand combat much worse than their opponents. Still they hung on grimly. The Lobba pounded the newly-hatched Gaunt unit, inflicting a half dozen casualties. Below ground, the Kommandos ran forward, capturing their first rat in the process.

Increasingly the Tyranids found themselves engaged with the Necrons. One unit of Genestealers arrived on the flank and slammed into a unit of Necron Warriors, but failed to achieve victory. A unit of Gaunts advanced on the flank towards a ruined building and a rat objective. As the Zoanthropes brought fire down on the Necron positions, one shot fell short and wounded the surviving Trygon.

A unit of Lesser Daemons arrived to shore up the Chaos position. Still, things weren’t going less well for the defiled one. The Blood Angels’ Stormraven flew forward and disgorged Death Company in the midst of their positions, while the other Dreadnought rocketed forward to assist. The Lobba unit took some fire from the gunship, wrecking one of its guns and stunning another.

Turn 3

The Necrons shot one rat as the Gaunts approached it, and tried unsuccessfully to shoot another in the central ruins before the Orks could capture it. The Pariahs and two Necron Lords also charged the Trygon and a Zoanthrope, killing both in close combat. The fighting continued between the Genestealers and Warriors, while the other Warrior unit was finished off by the Ard Boyz.

With the Ard Boyz now freed up, Glarsnot Bloodcurdle lead them personally in a charge against the remnants of the Blood Angels Assault Squad. This was destroyed, with the exception of Sanguinary Priest Brother Hestus, who fled. Da Skeweratz Shoota Boyz in the central ruin secured a rat. The Lobbas continued to pour effective fire on the Gaunts, reducing the number around the sewer entrance to a mere three. These would spend the rest of the game holding their position, and making no effort to push on into the sewer where they might face the larger and more capable unit of Kommandos.

The Kommandos themselves, essentially alone beneath the ruined city, scored two more rat objectives—this time especially valuable rat swarms.

A Deffkopta arrived, and was deployed to the far left flank to assist the forces of Chaos. It was too little, too late. The Blood Angels finished off a Chaos squad, the Daemons, and an Obliterator squad, leaving only a single CSM squad approaching the ruined factory and a unit of Obliterators in reserve, yet to arrive. Moreover, a unit of flanking Genestealers arrived close behind the Deffkopta, and destroyed it in claw-to-hand fighting. The Lobbas once again took fire from the Space Marines, destroying the last of the guns. Miraculously (or perhaps it was the whip, Grotprod, and Squig Hounds of their Runtherd), the crew’s morale held.

Turn 4

The Necrons finished off the Genestealers, and also charged into the ruins to engage the Gaunts. They also brought some fire down upon the Zoanthropes and Tervigon, as well as the Orks in the central ruin, killing all but a few of the Skeweratz. They also killed a second rat near the bridge.

For Glarsnot Bloodcurdle, the primary concern at this point was to safeguard his successful mob of Kommandos deep underground. While the former collected their fourth rat, the two remaining mobz on the surface fell back towards the sewer grate to either defend it or join the Greenskins below. To distract the approaching Blood Angels, the remnants of the Lobba crew were sent towards them, thereby attracting their rage away from the Orks guarding the vital manhole.

A Deffkopta arrived, and it too was deployed to the far left flank to assist the forces of Chaos. It was soon destroyed. Two Chaos Obliterators, the only surviving Chaos forces, arrived by deepstrike in the Tyranid rear. They failed to hit much.

The Chaos squad killed the Genestealers, and moved into the factory. They were pursued, however, by Death Company Dreadnought Brother Gambinus and a second unit of Genesteelers arriving on their flanks. While the latter couldn’t catch them in time, the former did—wiping out the rest of the squad but being immobilized in the process. Meanwhile, Sanguinary Priest Brother Hestus, having collected one rat earlier, chased a second across the ruins of the industrial zone.

The Death Guard crossed the river (losing two of their number to its treacherous currents), and charged the Runtheard and Grot gun crew. Not surprisingly, they killed them.

Turn 5

With Tyranids, Necrons, and Blood Angels converging on his position—and with five rats now in Greenskin possession—Glarsnot Bloodcurdle decided that the best thing to do was to consolidate his defences in the fetid tunnels beneath the city. He, the few remnants of the Ard Boyz, and the sole surviving Nob of the Skeweratz all ran down into the sewers to join the Kommandos. The Trukk was sent off towards the raging Death Guard to once more draw them away from the Orkish position. They soon destroyed it, but lost precious time in doing so.

There was more fighting up top: a Tervigon died, the Obliterators fired at something at missed, the Immortals and Death Guard eyed each other suspiciously. But it didn’t matter. Down below, the Kommandos lit a fire with their burna, and Glarsnot Bloodcurdle and Da West End Boyz enjoyed a well-earned treat of roast rat.

(Picture, below: Greenskins (almost) all alone in the sewers with their rat buffet.)

After Action Review

The final score was Orks/Chaos 16, Necrons 2, Marines/Tyranids 2. I’m not sure that everyone enjoyed the game as much as I did, however. The CSM found their forces shattered early by the fearsome close combat skills of the Blood Angels, and had little to do the latter half of the battle. Most of the Blood Angels themselves were afflicted by the Red Thirst or rage, and as a result spend the game chasing after the nearest visible opponent. While this made them even more formidable in battle, it also meant they couldn’t enter the sewers (since they couldn’t chase what they couldn’t see). The Tyranids had some very poor difficult terrain rolls to enter the sewer, and in any case found most of their infantry pounded by Lobba fire, attacked by Necrons, or away on the wrong flank. The Necrons did well, but could never get anywhere near a sewer entrance to pursue the Kommandos. Overall, too, I think some players found the rat rules a little too complicated.

That being said, everything worked out in accordance with Glarsnot’s battle plan, which had hinged on getting Kommandos into the sewer as fast and as far as possible, while others guarded the nearest entrance. Had more Tyranids gone below, I’m confident I could have bested them in close combat. Non-raging Blood Angels would have been a bigger problem, but there were only two units of those in any case. I’ll have to watch out for the Blood Angels in future: killing their Assault Squad took a unit and a half of Orks, and it was frightening how quickly the Stormraven’s cargo of Death Guard and Dreadnought cut through the CSM defences.

Greenskin heroes of the day? The Kommandos and the Lobbas. The former (195 points) secured the objectives needed to win. The latter (a mere 94 points) killed more than a dozen Gaunts, and kept them from interfering below.

Be that as it may, Willard did have two things that set it apart from most of the other planets in the sector. First, it was endowed with goatronium deposits of unusual purity. Second, it was overrun with rats.

Ratus Willardus (as Imperial scientists labelled them) were not your usual rats of the sort found skulking aboard tramp space-freighters, served up at Ork banquets, or gnawing upon the bones of prisoners in Chaos interrogation centres. No, these rats were faster. Stronger. Extraordinarily tough. Vicious. Something about the planet had changed their very DNA.

For this reason, four armed research teams were dispatched to Willard. The Imperial team hoped that by capturing rats they might derive a goatronium-based drug to further enhance the combat effectiveness of the already genetically-engineeered Space Marines. The forces of Chaos, in their own twisted way, hoped much the same. The Tyranids planned to integrate the mutated DNA into their own genotype, allowing the hive-mind to breed even more fearsome progeny. The Orks—well, the Orks thought that mutant rats would make one very cool lunch.

As the four armies headed for their collective rendezvous with scientific history, the usual plotting was afoot. The putrid forces of Chaos, having been badly battered in their last foray against the Greenskins, decided that much the easier way of proceeding was to simply buy them off. This they did with the promise of loot and barbecued rat-on-a-stick, the two sides agreeing to share any rodents that they managed to collect. This in turn forced the Imperium and the Hive-Mind into an uncomfortable alliance of their own. While later chroniclers might scoff at the improbability of it all, out in the dangerous fringes of the Goatronium Expansions necessity and the struggle for survival often combine to make for very strange political bedfellows indeed.

Meanwhile, amidst all the plotting and plans, somewhere deep in the darkness of space a Necron beeped, blinked, and booted into standby mode. Then two did the same. Then did 4, 8, 16, 32… until a vast network of cybernetic  warriors had awakened.

The Necrons had no interest in any biological life-form gaining any sort of enhancement or advantage from the mutated rats. They too would travel to Willard 1971. Once there, their programming would be simple: to exterminate.

Forces and Terrain

1,250 per contingent. The battlefield will consist of large ruined city in the centre, with jungle surrounding and a river (dangerous terrain) running between the two long table edges and hence separating allies from each other. Manhole covers will also give access to a network of sewers below.

Each contingent will initially deploy in their own quarter of the battlefield. Units may deepstrike (anywhere the surface on either side of the river, but not into the sewers), flank (anywhere on the surface), and infiltrate (on the surface on either side of the river, or in the sewers… although rats count as enemy units in terms of deployment distances) as usual.

If any Necrons show up, they may deploy by teleportation anywhere on the surface of the planet at the start of the second turn of the game.

Special Rules

The objective of the game is to capture samples of the mutant rats for scientific study (or, if you’re Ork, for lunch). Six rats will be randomly placed at the outset of the game in the city. Two rats and two rat swarms will be placed in the sewers. Each rat captured is worth d3 victory points, and each rat swarm worth d6 victory points. Unlike the other contingents, Necrons simply want to destroy the rats, and score one victory point for each dead rat or rat swarm (regardless of who kills it).

The game lasts until turn 5, 6 or 7 (as per the standard rules).

Rats are captured by moving into contact with them with any infantry unit (including special characters) during the movement phase. Thereafter they are treated as an independent character that moves with the unit.

A single rat is T4 W 1 with a 5+ invulnerable save and the stealth and feel no pain special rule. A rat swarm is T4 W3 with a 5+ invulnerable save and the swarm and feel no pain special rules. At the start of their movement phase, a player may attempt to move any uncaptured rats on their side of the river. Roll a scatter die and 2d6 to determine the rat’s movement. A hit usually represents no movement at all. Rats may move the full distance through all terrain except the river, which counts double distance.

At the start of their turn phase, a player may also secretly draw one playing card. You may not discuss the cards that you hold with anyone—including your ally. A card may be played at any point in the game, including during an opponent’s turn, and more than one card may be played at once. Cards usually only affect your own side of the river.

• A/K/Q: Achh aye, that’s no ordinary rat! The rat immediately assaults any unit within 6″. It automatically inflicts 1 wound (or 3 wounds if a swarm). The attacked unit must immediately take a leadership test (subtracting one for each casualty it has suffered) or run away.
• J: Pied piper. All uncaptured rats on both sides of the river move d6″ (dice once for all) towards a designated unit.
• 10-9: Escape! A rat escapes from its captors. Roll one die: on a 4+ it is immediately recaptured. Otherwise, move the rat 2d6 in a random direction away from any figure in the unit.
• 8-7: Rats nest. If any rats have been killed, take one of the casualties and place it anywhere on the battlefield at least 15″ away from all units on either side of the river. If placed in the sewer, the 15″ is measures as the line-of-travel, not the direct distance.
• 6-5-4: Come here, little ratty…. When a rat’s scatter die results in a hit, the player using this card may decide the direction of its movement. If more than one player plays a card, dice off to see who determines the rat’s movement.
• 3-2: Tunnels! Any rat above ground within 6″ of a manhole may be placed underground within 6″ of the same manhole (or vice-versa if underground).

Only infantry units may move in the sewers, which count as difficult terrain. Moving from a manhole down to the sewer (or the other way) is a 3″ move. The sewers are dark, and night-fighting rules apply there.

Taking a break from a busy schedule of raiding, pillaging, and more raiding, Supreme Greenskin Warboss Glarsnot Bloodcurdle today visited the city of Orkingrad to open a new Big Mek weapons production center. While there he declared that the city would never fall to the Imperial invaders. “Da hummies will be crushed under da metal footsies and da big snappy klaws of da Kans and da Deff Dreads made ‘ere in dis faktory!” he announced, as staff at the Red Orktober Traktor Faktory applauded and cheered (Picture below: Glarsnot Bloodcurdle declares the Red Orktober Traktor Faktory open.)

Following the opening ceremony, SGW Bloodcurdle as given a tour of the facility by the chief Mek and his team. Built using state-of-the-art technology (stolen from others) as well as advanced materials (looted from various Imperial planets), the Red Orktober Traktor Faktory features a full automated assembly line, with grots standing in for actual automation. It is capable of producing most anything, and especially anythings that look and behave quite differently from designed, intended and/or previously produced. In a testimony to superior Orkish Mek engineering, the efficient prodding of the Grot Herders, and quite a few safety-shortcuts, the entire facility was completed a mere three months after its predecessor faktory was destroyed in a tragic Shok Attack Gun accident.

With Imperial Forces advancing towards Orkingrad, it may be only a matter of time before the Faktory—and the city’s fearless greenskin defenders—are put to the test. Said the Supreme Greenskin Warlord, “My boyz will dig da graves of all dem der facisty-hummie-aggressors. Waaagh!”

The Orkish plan was simple. The Stormboyz would deploy to the west, and try to capture a weapons crate that had landed on the upper levels of a refinery complex. They would be supported by a Deffkopta (looking suspiciously like a Wyvern kitted with Rokkits.) The grots would advance through the ruins of an old church, where a second crate was located. Both groups would then shift back to hold one of the larger pieces of wreckage from the Pandora. To the east, a large mob of Shoota Boyz would advance into the ruins to find the third weapons crate—hopefully something that would further augment their already formidable firepower. Two Trukks—the first containing Ard Boys, the second containing Glarsnot Bloodcurdle himself with a few MegaNobz—would deploy towards the center, ready to attack targets of opportunity, seize objectives, or reinforce as need be. Finally, Boss Snikrot would take a small band of Kommandos together with Wazdakka Gutsmek behind enemy lines to wreck what havoc they could. (Map below: The opposing plans, Kommandos not shown. Yellow stars depict wreckage, squares depict crates.)

The Chaos forces seemed to be focused on the center of the battlefield, where two large pieces of wreckage had fallen in an open square. A Land Raider (containing Khârn the Betrayer himself) and two Rhinos (each containing a  formidable squad of Plague Marines) stood ready to advance, backed up by a huge Demon Prince. To the west, a large squad of Khorne Bezerkers stood ready to sweep forward on foot. Finally, a single Obliterator stood ready to Deep Strike wherever needed most. (Picture below: The start of battle)

Turn 1

Waved on by their Nob, the Stormboyz rokkited onwards towards their primary objective: an ancient refinery complex, and the top-secret weapons crate precariously perched on its upper levels. Alas, one unfortunately Greenskin managed to set alight the pouch of slugga ammo he had clipped to his belt, and detonated mid-flight. Such is the life (and death) of a Stormboy.

The Grots ran forward towards the ruins of the church, making high-pitched squeaky noises in excitement. Glarsnot Bloodcurdle had told them that they were going on a treasure hunt, and there would be prizes and cakes and special mushrooms for the winners! Yippee! Hooray! Needless to say, the Ork Warboss hadn’t mentioned the large, murderous squad of psychopathic Khorne Bezerkers that would be their competition for this particular event…

As the Grots ran forward, they were passed by a Trukk-load of Ard Boyz travelling flat-out before screeching to a halt beside the ruined factory. Elsewhere a squeal of tires could be heard as the second Trukk sped forward, urged on by Da Boss himself. Shoota Boyz clambered into nearby ruins, approaching one of the crates. One found himself spying a Chaos Rhino through a gap between two buildings, and let loose with a Rokkit. It hit, destroying the vehicle. (Picture below: The Shoota Boyz advance.)

The Plague Marines inside the Rhino clambered out, and ran towards some nearby ruins. In doing so they captured their first weapons crate, which contained a supply of advanced weapons sights.The second Rhino and the Land Raider held their position, with the  latter firing upon the Trukk full of MegaNobz and immobilizing it. The Bezerkers began to smash their way into the ruined factory. (Picture below: The Plague Marines move forward.)

Suddenly, a massive Chaos Demon Prince strode confidently into the central square of the devastated city. In a thunderous voice that reverberated with the very defiled essence of fundamental evil, it called out a battle challenge to the approaching Orks. As these comprised a series of off-colour “Yo Mama” jokes, they didn’t make a lot of sense: Orks, after all, sprout from fungal spores. Nevertheless, the insult was clear enough. However, with a Land Raider, a Rhino, and two squads of Plague Marines now positioned around the edges of the square, would any Ork be foolish enough to take the bait and advance upon the Demon into the potentially murderous crossfire?

Turn 2

Orks being Orks, the answer was of course “Yes!” The Trukk boys sped forward in their ramshackle vehicle into the very center of the square and then disembarked, waving their Choppaz at the massive Demon that stood before them.

“Yo mama so ugly she looks like she fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!” came the deeply twisted taunt as the Demon Prince sneered at the Orks now standing before him. “Yo mama is so ugly that not even Eldar smile back! Muahahahaha!”

So engrossed was the Demon Prince with his taunting that he failed to notice that the Shoota Boyz had found a crate full of special high power ammunition, and were loading it into their weapons. Suddenly there was a thunderous cacophony as a dozen or more of them unloaded their weapons at the Demon, wounding him twice. The Ard Boyz stepped forward to finish the job. While a few were killed by the Demon, the Ard Boyz Nob soon cut him down to size with a blow from his Powerklaw and a final barbed taunt of his own:

“Yo Spore is so stoopid dat it  sprouts on da south side of da Squiggy swamp!”

While Orks are indeed formidable in battle, there is an obvious reason why so few of them make it in stand-up comedy. Then again, there are few creatures brave enough to trade “Yo Spore” jokes with a Greenskin. (Picture below: Last moments of the Demon Prince.)

While this was going on, Glarsnot Bloodcurdle and the MegaNobz clambered out of their immobile truck and fired upon the nearest group of Plague Marines with their combiweapons. Despite no fewer than 14 Burna hits, only one of the Marines went down. To rectify this, the Warboss and the Nobz then charged them, removing their armoured heads from their bloated pestilent armoured bodies. This proved much more effective at overcoming the “Feel No Pain” effect, and the entire squad was wiped out without loss. The Meganobz took the now-abandoned top-secret weapons crate for themselves.

Elsewhere the StormBoyz secured a crate at the refinery, which was revealed to contain a supply of medipacks. The Grots moved into the ruined church and uncovered a crate full of stimdrugs. This seemed a particularly excellent prize in Glarsnot’s treasure hunt, and they ran back towards their own baseline with an extra spring in their little grotty steps. The Deffkopta covered their retreat with Rokkit fire at the Bezerkers, but missed.

Finally, there was a rustling of bushes—indeed, some bushes moving altogether—as Boss Snikrot led his group of Kommandos onto the battlefield in the Chaos rear. Among them was Wazdakka Gutsmek, who fired upon the remaining Rhino and immobilized it.

The loss of the Demon Prince was a blow to the forces of Chaos, but not an insuperable one. At least the Ard Boyz were now isolated and vulnerable in the center of the square. The Land Raider opened fire on their Trukk—which, in a bizarre manifestation of what could only be described as divine intervention by Mork (or possibly Gork), careened off into the factory ruins and exploded in the middle of the Khorne Bezerkers, killing one.

Khârn muttered under his breath, clambered out of the Land Raider in frustration, and charged the Ard Boyz himself. The surviving squad of Plague Marines did the same. Revenge was at hand.

It would seem, however, that the Plague Marines were suffering not from one of those “plagues of super-human resilience” for which they are famed, but rather more of the common-cold variety of plague where you feel all weak, sniffly, and under the weather. They didn’t manage to kill a single Ork. Khârn was rather more successful, downing two with his legendary chainaxe Gorechild—but such were his anger issues by this point that he also managed to drop a Chaos Space Marine too. The Ard Boyz fought back hard against the Marines, while Khârn himself was killed by a blow from the Nob’s formidable Powerklaw. (Picture below: Ard Boyz 1, Betrayer 0, Plague Marines under the weather.)

While the sight of the Betrayer himself laid low by an Ork might have demoralized lesser corrupted foes, the Khorne Bezerkers were still dedicated to spilling blood for the Blood God. They ignored the weapons crate in the ruined factory and instead ran towards the Grots, hoping to slaughter them (and seize their crate) before the Stormboyz could intervene. The Obliterator deep-struck between the two Orkish units in an attempt to provide fire support, and shortly thereafter gunned down the Deffkopta.

Turn 3

As the Ard Boyz continued their struggle against the Plague Marines, additional Greenskins joined the fray: Glarsnot Bloodcurdle, his attack squig Kuddles, four Meganobz, and Wazdakka Gutsmek. The outcome of the uneven contest was never in doubt, as the remaining Marines were wiped out. Flush with success—they had after all now seen off a Demon Prince, Kârn, and the Plague Marines—the two remaining members of the Ard Boyz consolidated into the very path of the empty Land Raider. Snikrot and the Kommandos attacked the immobilized Rhino, but despite more than thirty hits did little more than stun it.

The Stormboyz charged the Obliterator, which was obliterated. The Grots continued to run away from the Bezerkers with their box of drugs, although the latter seemed to be gaining on them rapidly. (Picture above: Grots retreat as homicidal maniacs advance.) The Shoota Boyz retrieved a weapons crate from near the bridge, which turned out to be more advanced weapons sights. The result was to make perhaps the shootiest Greenskin unit in the history of dakka: 55 shots a turn, rerolling both misses and wounds as need be.

Although things were going badly for the forces of Chaos, they still didn’t despair. Instead, the Land Raider shot down both surviving members of the Ard Boyz mob, while the Khorne Bezerkers ran and almost reached the Grots.

Turn 4

Wazdakka Gutsmek turboboosted his bike and sped towards the Land Raider, opening fire on the behemouth with his Dakkacannon. While landing a few hits, however, he failed to penetrate its thick armour.

As for the Grots, it was clear that they were running out of room to flee, with the axe-wielding maniacs of Khorne rapidly closing in on them. What happened next is, of course, the stuff of squeaky green legend. They—yes, the Grots—charged.

Subsequent historians would expend considerable debate over the melee that followed. In his book Fear and Loathing in Niujoysi, gonzo journalist Hunter S. Gretchin would attribute the Grot assault to valor, confusion, foolhardiness, and excessive consumption of captured stimdrugs. Chaos officials, of course, deny that the charge ever took place,  and routinely torture whomever might question their particular account of events. More than a few Orks have been heard to mutter that much of the real fighting was done by the Stormboyz.

Nonetheless, the Grots charged the Khorne Bezerkers, and at the end of the fray there were a few dead Grots—and only one remaining Chaos Space Marine. He would soon go down under a pile of enthusiastic little green bodies piling on. (Picture below: Grots do happy-dance on Bezerker corpse.)

This was too much for the crew of the Land Raider. It was one thing to see a Demon Prince chopped up—after all, even a Demon can have a bad day. True, Kârn the Betrayer had been defeated by the Ard Boyz, but that had been a glorious fight (and none of them really liked Kârn, who had an annoying habit of axing his own side when lost in his murderous bloodlust). But a full squad of Bezerkers defeated by Grots (and, OK, the Stormboyz too)? Who was going to explain that to the Blood God? They drove off the battlefield in disgust. (Picture below: Land Raider prepares to leave as Orks swarm over the battlefield.)

The wreck of the Pandora and its valuable cargo of top-secret weapons was left in the hands of the victorious Glarsnot Bloodcurdle and Da West End Boyz.