Orkmas 2017


When the SS Rudolph was hit by an unexpected meteor shower while delivering a consignment of toys to Imperial boys and girls on the outer worlds, Santa and his indentured Eldar workers barely managed to get to the escape pods before the ship crashed into the snowy wastes of a nearby planet.

Fortunately, the Rudolph had an automated distress beacon.

Unfortunately, the signal was received by two notorious Ork warbosses: Warboss Grinch and his mechanized mayhem, and Warboss Kringle and his green tide of foot sloggas and beasts. The rivals each set off with a mob of boyz to loot the ship of all its gubbinz. The crash also attracted the attention of a band of rebel grots, led by Big Mek Trotsky. Who could collect the most loot before an Imperial rescue force could arrive?

Orkmas Goodies

Gubbinz may be looted by a unit in contact at the start of their turn.

  • Smaller gifts: 1 Gubbinz. May be retrieved any unit except flyers. Remove upon collection.
  • Larger gifts: D3 Gubbinz. May only be retrieved by infantry. Do NOT remove upon collection—these are gifts that keep on giving!
  • Santa’s spaceship: Roll d6, and add 1 for each infantry in contact (pulling bits off). For every 10 points, collect 1 Gubbinz!

Warboss Grinch’s Mob

  • Warboss Grinch in Mega Armour
  • Painboy Maxx on Warbike
  • 9 Nob Bikers
  • 4 Meganobz in Battlewagon
  • 10 Boyz in Trukk
  • 15 Stormboyz
  • 3 Deffkoptas
  • Dakkajet

Warboss Kringle’s Mob 

  • Warboss Kringle with Attack Squig
  • Boss Snikrot
  • 2 Weirdboyz
  • Painboy
  • Nob with Waagh Banner
  • 20 Boyz (slugga/choppa)
  • 20 Boyz (slugga/choppa)
  • 20 Boyz (shoota)
  • 15 Tankbustas
  • 15 Kommandos
  • Gargantuan Squiggoth
  • Deff Dread

The Proletarian Masses of the Great Grot Revolution

  • Big Mek Trotsky with KFF
  • 2 Meks
  • 3 Runtherds
  • 30 Grots
  • 30 Grots
  • 10 Grots
  • 2 Killa Kanz
  • 2 Killa Kanz
  • 4 Grot Tanks
  • 4 Grot Tanks
  • Grot Mega-tank
  • Bubble-Chukka
  • Gorkanaut
  • Morkanaut
  • 3 Lobbas

Each mob had a power level of 101. The ever-speedy Warboss Grinch moved first, followed by Warboss Kringle, followed by the Grots (who, after all, only have short little legs).


The burning wreckage of the SS Rudolph.


Grinch’s Nobz race forward.


More of Warboss Grinch’s force.


Snikrot and a sneaky force of Kommandos rises from the snow in front of the Gorkanaut. Both they and the huge mob of Boyz who jumped into position would fail their charges, saving the Grots from early annihilation. They would then be pounded into green goo by accurate Grot shooting.


As Ork Boyz and Grots squabble over presents, the Squiggoth and Gorkanaut eye each other warily. The former would charge the latter soon after, crushing it to pieces.


Kringle’s Boyz clamber all over the SS Rudolph like ants of a carcass, tearing away all the gubbinz they can find. As they do so, the Dakkajet starts a strafing run.


The Morkanaut avenges its twin, and tears apart the Squiggoth with its klaws as Grot tanks look on.


To the rear of the Grot force, Grinch’s bikers and deffkoptas are taking on more Grot tanks and the mega-tank.


Kringgle’s boyz continue to pull bits of the spaceship. Some of Grinch’s stormboyz arrive to try to stop them, but they’re outnumbered.


Kringle’s tame carnifex (Deff Dread) tries to stop some of Grinch’s boyz from claiming one of the larger presents.


The Grot mega-tank proves to be a surprisingly tough foe as the number of Nob bikers begins to dwindle.

In the closing moments of battle, one of Warboss Kringle’s weirdboyz jumped the tankbustas behind Grinch’s lines in the hopes of destroying the battlewagon, but it was too little, too late. Although the fight was still close, the arrival of the Imperial rescue force meant that the greenskins had to retire—and Warboss Grinch was declared the winner.

Cosmic change

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The ruins of Yetmorerulz.

As he awoke to a bright summer’s day on the former Imperial colony of Yetmorerulz, Ork Warboss Glarsnot Bloodcurdle had two overriding thoughts. The first was that the universe had changed in a fundamental way, almost as if the very paradigms of physics and creation and stuff had been rewritten by Gork (or possibly Mork) for the 8th time. The second was that there was still lots of things to of loot in this city, which he and da Westend Boyz had captured some months earlier.

However, others had a different idea. A renegade group of T’au, expelled from their homeworld for developing a new branch of mathematics whereby there army added up to 2,700 points instead of 2,000 points because they forgot to count their weapons, were looking for a base of operations, Just as the Orks had seized this planet from the Imperium, so too they intended to seize it from the greenskins—for the greater good, of course.

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The T’au cautiously enter the ruins of Yetmorerulz.

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Ta’u scan the battlefield with their advanced sensors, seeking the enemy.

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Drones, drones, and more drones.

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Believing in peace through superior firepower, the T’au plan to stand back and let the Orks come to them.

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A rumble grows louder and louder. Da Westend Boyz are ready fer some krumpin’!

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Excited high-pitched squeaks that the Grot contingent too is eager for battle, now that they are surprisingly dangerous in large numbers.

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The T’au are ready for them…

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…or are they? Despite heavy casualties from T’au shooting, Ork morale remains high and they continue to surge forward.

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A Trukk full of Tankbustas fires at the enemy.

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Grot tanks and a Battlewagon provide fire support. With a unit of Burnas ready to disembark, there’s quite a lot of fire in fact.

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Meanwhile on the left flank, Grots and Deffkoptas also advance. The Deffkoptas are soon destroyed by a storm of fire from the Ta’u Stormsurge, but not before doing some damage. The Grots are overjoyed to find that their shooting skills are now considerably better than the much-vaunted T’au.

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With the Ork horde showing no sign of slowing, this T’au decides to save its fancy-pants armoured ass by seeking refuge atop a ruined tower. 

We didn’t play a full game, since we were just trying out the rules. Some quick thoughts:

  • Having elements of the points calculation for a unit spread out on several different pages is just poor index/codex design, unless Games Workshop is trying to encourage everyone to use Power Levels. I certainly hope Army Builder is allowed to update to 8th edition to make army-building easier.
  • Orks play much more like hard-hitting hordes, which is great. Conga-line management is going to be a thing, though—and a rather “gamey” one that rather damages the sense of narrative engagement.
  • I like many of the simplifications to the game system. However:
    • They have dumbed-down and minimized cover and difficult terrain in a way that renders the use of terrain in the game far less nuanced and “realistic.” Many terrain-rich games that we’ve run (such as Orkingrad) simply wouldn’t work very well in 8th edition.
    • I also don’t like the new vehicle rules. Vehicles just seem like.. big characters. I much preferred the incremental damage and catastrophic penetration effects in previous editions (which were far more like actual armoured combat).
    • In trying to simplify charging they have made it far more time-consuming and complicated, with more opportunities for players to exploit the pile-in and consolidation rules with large infantry armies. On more than one occasion we had to measure base distances to the millimetre to determine whether an envelopment or tar-paper tactic was legitimate.
  • This is a long-time 40k gripe, buy why are pistols even a thing? They’re virtually useless in modern combat.
  • I liked many of the new scenarios. I’ve never been a fan of tactical objective cards, though.

Rumble in the ruins


One curious episode during the conflict between the Ork warlords and the Grot rebellion took place oamid the ruins of the battle-scarred planet of Wemmblee, when an informal truce was forged between the combatants. The occasion was the semi-final gameof the Goatronium Expansions Bloodbowl League. pitting the clean-cut human Imperial Bastions against the upstart Ork Green Bay Dakkas. The Orks had arrived the noisily cheer their fellow greenskins. the grots had no particular love for the humans, but nonetheless would be happy to see anyone defeating their hated Orkish opressors.

The game had barely started when a controversial call my the ogre umpire caused a dispute among the players—and soon thereafter, fighting among the spectators…


Grot spectators look down at the game.


Ork vehicles in the parking lot.


More Grot fans.


..and yet more Grots, watching the game.


Some of the heavily-armed Ork contingent.


As things start to get ugly on the field, the Imperial Bastions head for their team buses.


A covering force of Space Marines arrives to protect the human players.


Ork fans brawl with Space Marine Terminators, as the referee tries to separate the two sides.


The Imperial Bastions in a team bus as fighting escalates.


The band plays on.


The rebel warboss Mek and his Cyborks head towards the fray.


Grot tanks leaving the multi-story tank park.


Ork air support arrives, strafing the team buses.


The Dakkajet destroys the lead bus, forcing the Bastions to disembark.


A mob of Ork warbikers race towards the rumble.


Ork buggies decide to crash through the fence to save time. Two of them get stuck.


The brawl intensifies. No photographic evidence survives of the subsequent fighting.


A very krumpy Orkmas

And so it was that three greenskin warbands—two of Orks, and one of rebel Grots—descended upon the Necron toy scarab factory on the frozen Tomb Word of Nnrdpy’ul. While the approaching armies collectively outnumbered the facility’s cybernetic defenders almost two-to-one, Necron Overlord Sa’Nta was certain (to a 95.7% level of confidence)  that the Orks’ inferior discipline, order, and unity of purpose would result in their defeat.


The Necrons prepare to defend the factory. The large circular object in the centre is the scarab reanimation matrix. The gold (left) and red (centre) conical features are goatronium energy arrays, which power the facility and are key objectives in the coming battle.

In the centre of the battlefield, Doctor Morork deployed his Morkanaut and Gorkanaut, as well as a number of Grot Tanks and Killa Kans. No sooner than he done so, however, when large ork forces appeared on his left and right flanks, eager to take on rebel Grots and Necrons alike. To the left, Warboss Waarghyll and Warboss Waaaghndrew urged on their massive foot-slogging Ork army. To the right, Warboss Wazztom da Dakkaking led a mechanized group of Warbikers, ‘Ard Boyz and Meganobz eager to crush all beneath them.


Doctor Morork’s downloaded consciousness surveys the battlefield from within his Morkanaut. 


Doubtless the sight of the mighty Gorkanaut and Morkanaut would strike fear in Necron hearts, if Necrons had hearts.


A Kustom Megag-kannon provides covering fire as a Grot Megatank trundles across the bridge.


Grots surge forward across the frozen river. 


Grot surfboard-riders performed tricks to amuse the proletarian masses.


A unit of Grot Tanks warily eyes rival Orks in the distance.


The Grots, of course, were imbued with an unshakeable revolutionary spirit!


Necron Warriors, Immortals,  and Flayed Ones await the greenskin assault.


More Necrons, ready to reinforce the front lines.


Warboss Waaaghdrew urges on his Boyz—from the rear. The Trukks would soon be taken down by Necron fire, forcing everyone to slog their way over the tanglewire and into the factory.


Wazztom da Dakkaking’s Warbikers and Buggies are confronted by Scarabs. Most of the bikers would go down, but their Nob would survive and go on a rampage within the Necron positions.


Morale was high among the mechanized greenskins.


Immortals await the Ork assault.


The Necron Wraiths advance.


While the full firepower of the Morkanaut, Gorkanaut, and MegaTank would all be unleashed on the approaching Necron Wraiths, this would barely make a dent. A little later, however, the Grots would gun one down all by themselves, and celebrate with much revolutionary squeakiness.


Lobbas and Grotzooka-armed Grot tanks rain fire down upon the Necrons, destroying one unit of Immortals and damaging several others.


Wazztom sends his Deffkotas to deal with the Wraiths, but they do little damage. A turn later, they are charged by the Wraiths and wiped out.


The Grots, nervous at the proximity of Warboss Waaarghyl’s Burna Boyz, open fire on them, killing most. The survivors began attacking Grot Tanks.


Warboss Waaaghndrew leads his Slugga Boyz across the wire and into the factory.


The fight at the factory goes poorly for the Orks–the Flayed Ones refuse to die. The Ork unit is eventually wiped out, and Warboss Waaaghndrew with it.


Tomwazzz da Dakkaking has rather more success, with his ‘Ard Boys successfully assaulting the objective and destroying its Necron defenders. Shorty thereafter, Zagstruck and the Stormboyz deepstrike near another objective (right).


The Grot MeagaTank presses on, belching smoke and gunnery.


The battle approaches a crescendo. At this critical juncture several Ork units swing to their left and assault the Grot rebels.


The Kommandos arrived, cunningly camouflaged on this icy world with giant palm fronds. Angered by Grot treachery, Waaarghyl and Waaaghndrew order them to assault the rear of the rebel formation, where they would wipe out a battery of Lobbas and a unit of Grots.

The game was ultimately narrowly won by Wazzztom the Dakkaking on points, after the Grots destroyed a Necron Triarch Stalker on the scarab reanimation matrix, and the Orks then drove the Grots back from the central objective.

The Necrons placed second, and it was generally agreed that had the game gone one more turn (as originally planned) they would have triumphed. Warboss Waaarghyl placed third, while the Grots came in last—the consequence, perhaps, of their sneak attack on the Burna Boyz earlier in the game.

Orkmas 2016


Deep in the farthest reaches of the Goatronium Expansions, cloaked by radioactive emissions and well beyond the range of Imperial and Eldar sensors, a creature of metal and energy and genocidal consciousness surveyed the scene before it. Sa’Nta, awoken Necron Overlord of the ancient Tomb Word of Nnrdpy’ul, was pleased—or, at least, experienced the cybernetic version of that sentient emotion.

The Red Harvest had been completed, and the planet purged of its biological lifeforms. Resources had been ripped from the planet’s surface and indeed from its core, including rare Goatronium isotope. An ever-increasing number of drones and warriors had been reanimated, and now toiled to reconstruct and operate the great factories.

Soon, the animation matrix would be finished and production would begin once more, as it had in the time of the ancient Kryng’ell Dynasty and the Great Lords of Krist-Ma-S: endless swarms of festive robotic scarabs, enough to fuel the murderous stalkings of every Necron bot and droid.


The universe had better watch out, thought the Overlord as it calculated the options and parameters of conquest and expansion. Soon it would cry . Sa’Nta’s hordes were coming to slay.


The Great Scarab Animation Matrix of Nnrdpy’ul, complete with its festive synethetic trees of Krist-Ma-S.

However, the Necron’s preparations had not gone entirely unnoticed. Doctor Morork and his renegade band of rebel Grots had detected the clearing of the planet and the construction of the great factory. They had no particular desire to save bourgeois Imperial society from the wrath of the machines—indeed, it seemed somewhat appropriate, given the role of mindless mechanization in aggravating the exploitation of the working class, that the Necrons should bring the rotting edifice of late Imperial capitalism crashing down. Nor did they care much whether Eldar Craftworlds and their feudal, imperialist societies were consumed by robotic spyders. However, the technology on Nnrdpy’ul was beyond anything they had encountered before. It held great promise for aiding the revolutionary cause. It also held a very personal interest to Doctor Morork, who himself had been reduced to bodyless existence as a cybernetic entity in the struggle against the Ork warlords. His mind hummed, and gave the order to attack to his loyal aide Mekrex da Fixer. The great proletarian revolution was on the move.

* * *

Warboss Waarghyll and Warboss Waaaghdrew could agree on very little: the best sorts of fungus; whether humies were best dakka-ed then krumped, or krumped then dakka-ed; if it was more fun to throw Grots or kick them, or even whether Mork or Gork was responsible for the glorious thing that was snot. However, they liked loot, and Doctor Morork had a very sizeable bounty on his head (or mind, since his head had long since vanished).


Thus, when the Grots made their way towards Nnrdpy’ul, they and their foot-sloggin’ boyz followed.”Lets go ‘n stomp dem rebel runts,” bellowed Waarghyll as they approached the planet.”Ya, ‘n after dat we kan take deyr stuff!” chortled Waaaghdrew. It was only as their mob moved closer that they saw the great Necron factory rising from the surface of the planet. They didn’t mind. These were very much Orks of the old school, and more enemies only meant more to krump and loot.

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Warbosses and Waaarghyll and Waaaghndrew scout the Necron factory from afar as they plot their attack.

Warboss Wazztom da Dakkaking hated Grots. Indeed, he even refused to pick his teeth with them in defiance of Ork custom. He hated Waarghyll and Waaaghdrew just as much, however. The two warbands had long been rivals, for loot and glory. His plan was brutal but kunnin’: he would wait until the rival Orks and rebel Grots were locked in combat, and then swoop in with is mechanized mob, kill everyone, and take their junk.


There was, however, a very large number of Necrons to be considered. Ahh well, he would be in and out before they even noticed. And some of that Necron tech looked like just the sort of thing his meks could make good use of…

Scenario Rules

Three objectives are placed within or near the Necron deployment area. Turn sequence is as follows:

  1. Necrons
  2. Grots
  3. Orks (simultaneous, or random order if sequential moves are required by situation).

Necrons (3000 points)

  • d6 points for each objective held at end of game.
  • Roll d6 each turn, plus an additional d6 for each objective still under control. For each 5 or 6, add one Scarab to the Reanimation Matrix.
  • Fence counts as tanglewire (dangerous terrain, 6+ cover save)
  • Appropriate detachment/formation rules.

Doctor Morork and Mekrex da Fixeruppa (2250 points)

  • d4 points for each objective held at end of game.
  • One point for each Warboss slain.
  • One point for each Necron unit destroyed in close combat by Grots.
  • Counts as Combined Arms detachment (objective secured)

Warboss Waarghyll and Warboss Waaaghdrew (1750 points)

  • d3 points for each objective held at end of game.
  • One points for each Warboss slain.
  • One point for every three enemy units destroyed.
  • Counts as Ork Warband formation (Waaagh every turn after first).

Warboss Wazztom da Dakkaking (1750 points)

  • d3 points for each objective held at end of game.
  • One points for each Warboss slain.
  • One point for every three enemy units destroyed.
  • Counts as Combined Arms detachment (objective secured)

Scavenging ZX1329


The jungle planet of ZX1329 was colonized decades ago by the Imperium, which built there great factories to exploit its plentiful biological and other natural resources, as well as to extract its plentiful reserves of Goatronium. However, something happened: an undiscovered organism perhaps, or industrial pollutants and genetic mutation, or even a dangerous experiment gone wrong. Whatever it was, the flora turned deadly, with the lush vegetation producing a range of pathogens and biotoxins that rendered the planet unsafe for any form of human settlement. ZX1329 was abandoned, and the jungle soon reclaimed the buildings and machinery left behind.

Fungus-based Orkish biology is rather more robust, however. When greenskin scouts stumbled upon ZX1329 and discovered it was ripe for scavenging, word soon got around that there was ordz o’ gubbins ‘and nosh fer da takin’. It wasn’t long before two large scavenging parties descended upon it. One of these belonged to infamous Warboss Krizmurk the Destroyer,  the other to the renegade cybernetic leader of the Great Grot Socialist Revolution, Doctor Morork. The two were bitter enemies, and as committed to destroying each other as to looting the abandoned industrial zones of the planet…

To find out what happened, check out the Ivory Goat Gaming Group‘s Generic Gaming Goodness blog.

Orkingrad: the battle

Warboss Vince contributed to this battle report, the tone of which may or may not betray the authors’ profound commitment to the great Mororkian Socialist Revolution. The scenario rules can be found here.

The heroic defenders of Orkingrad recognized that, despite revolutionary enthusiasm, they could not hope to defeat the powerful greenskin armies arrayed against them in open battle. Instead they decided to use the city itself as a fortress and the deteriorating weather as an ally, hoping thereby to win enough time for reinforcements to arrive.

In Sector South, the decision was made to force the 4th Panzork Army to fight in the narrow streets of the downtown core, where the mobility and firepower of their armour would be limited. A defensive line of barricades, tanglewire, and tank traps was constructed deep in the sector in front of Pavgrot’s House, and garrisoned with Grots, Gunz, and a Looted Wagon. No retreat! Victory or death! This is where they would make their final stand.

In Sector West it was clear that Mama Gretchin hill was key: if its controlling heights fell, the 6th Ork Army would dominate the central areas of Orkingrad and split the defenders in two. Big Mek Orkvincesky would personally lead the defence with handpicked Burna Boys, backed by Lootas, Grot infantry and a detachment of the Workers’ Anti-Aircraft Brigade. If the trenches were captured, Lobbas, Lootas, Burnas, and a Shokk Attack Gun to the east were ordered to pummel and burn the hill into rubble and ashes.

Sector North was the most vulnerable part of Orkingrad. Grot infantry, led by Big Mek Orkrexky and supported by a Painboy, held barricades at the crossroads. Killa Kans, Deff Dreads, and a Looted Wagon provided support, while boobytraps and mines were placed among the ruins to slow an attacker. If the enemy could break through, however, the people’s proletarian factories would be at risk.

The defenders deploy.

The defenders deploy.

Fascist Invading Dogs, Turn 1

The defenders grimly dig in as massed enemy infantry advance from the North and West, whilst hostile armour approaches from the South.

  • Sector South: Warboss Callum advances his forces towards the defenders dug in around Pavlork’s House. They offer some minor harassing fire, which has no effect. His Warbuggies speed down the railway line, intent on penetrating deep into the defenders’ rear and cutting them off from reinforcements across the Volgrot River.
  • Sector West: Warboss Andrew goes immediately on the attack, leading his ‘Ard Boyz and a mob of Shootas up the slopes of Mama Gretchin Hill, firing all the way. Despite formidable defenses, several defenders are killed and Big Mek Orkvincesky is wounded.
  •  Sector North: Warboss Daryl advances towards the Red Orktober Factory; his Trukk-mounted Tankbustas knock out a Killa Kan.
Warbuggies of the 4th Panzorks advance along the railway line.

Warbuggies of the 4th Panzorks advance along the railway line.

A hated collaborator-grot guides this Panzork Battlewagon into the city. Those few that were captured alive would face the wrathful vengeance of the People's Revolutionary Courts.

A hated collaborator-grot guides this Panzork Battlewagon into the city. Those few that were captured alive would face the wrathful vengeance of the People’s Revolutionary Courts.

The fascist invaders prepare to assault Mama Gretchin hill.

The fascist invaders prepare to assault Mama Gretchin hill.

Noble Defenders of the Popular Revolution of Toiling Grots and Meks, Turn 1

  • Sector South: The Looted Wagon fires on the Deffkopta squadron, inflicting minor damage. The Kustom Mega-Kannon disables the forward buggy in Warlord Callum’s BattleTrain™. Grot gunners of the Workers’ Anti-Aircraft Brigade  atop Pavork’s house knock out a Trukk loaded with Mega-Nobz, forcing the fearsome warriors to walk. Callum’s Battlewagon is hit directly with a Zzzap gun to no effect.
  • Sector West: Big Mek Orkvincseky’s Burnas roast a number of Warboss Andrew’s boyz, but the attackers hold their ground. A second unit of Burnas, positioned next to a promethium pipeline, spew gouts of flame at a mob attempting to skirt the Hill. Lootas in elevated positions send withering hails of gunfire into the mobz advancing from the West and North.
  • From atop the chemical factory, Mek Thermaplugg fires his Shokk Attack Gun, inadvertently creating The Great Proletarian Vortex, which consumes close to a dozen of Warboss Daryl’s boyz and will be a threat for the rest of the battle.
  •  Sector North: Warboss Daryl’s Trukk is disabled by a Killa Kan’s grotzooka while Lobba crews drop ordnance on his advancing mobs, pinning some Slugga boyz. Other fire is largely ineffective.

Vile Invaders of the Sacred Motherland, Turn 2

The advance slows amidst a sudden cold snap. Early snow makes all terrain difficult this turn.

  • Sector South: A Dakkajet screams through the low-hanging clouds and strafes the Kustom Mega-Kanon, killing some crew and damaging the weapon. Warboss Callum’s other vehicles struggle in the cold; a buggy breaks down and Callum’s Battlewagon stalls out. Undeterrred, the Warboss disembarks and leads his Nobz down the street towards Pavlork’s House. The deffkoptas destroy a Killa Kan lurking in the ruins. Ork Warbiker reinforcements fail to arrive from reserve.
  • Sector West: Warboss Andrew calls in an airstrike on Mama Gretchin Hill ahead of his charge, but the Workers’ Anti-Aircraft Brigade shoots a Blitza-bommer down before it can drop its payload. A Burna-bommer, deployed by Warboss Daryl to eliminate the Burnas near the Promethium pipeline is forced to abort its attack run due to heavy AA fire.
  •  In retaliation, Andrew’s Tankbustas unleash their rokkits and bomb squig, which destroys the AA gun atop Mama Gretchin Hill. As the explosion blossoms, Warboss Andrew sounds the charge! His Slugga boyz are first up the hill—and are promptly driven back by the defender’s Wall of Death. As the Burnas switch gas canisters, Andrew throws two of his ‘Ard Boyz on the tanglewire and charges in. Big Mek Orkvinceky and most of his burnas are killed in the ensuing melee, but the survivors hold on, encouraged (or perhaps menaced) by the fearlessly demented Mad Dok Grotsnik. Another mob of Slugga Boyz arrives from reserve and also advances towards the hill.
  • Sector North: Warboss Daryl’s Tankbustas destroy the grotzooka-wielding Killa Kan and begin maneuvering to outflank the defenders of the Red Orktober Factory. Daryl himself abandons his useless Trukk and leads his ‘Ard Boyz towards the outskirts of the city, with his Slugga Boyz in tow. Several of his Kommandos are consumed by the vortex, which begins to drift towards Mama Gretchin Hill. A reserve Slugga mob arrives, pushing through the woods outside the city.
The Grot gunners of the Workers' Anti-Aircraft Brigade open fire upon the enemy's aircraft from atop Pavgrot's House.

The Grot gunners of the Workers’ Anti-Aircraft Brigade open fire upon the enemy’s aircraft from atop Pavgrot’s House.

A smouldering crater marks where the Blitzabommer crashed (conveniently missing the Lobbas, Burnas, and Grots).

A smouldering crater marks where the Blitzabommer crashed (conveniently missing the Lobbas, Burnas, and Grots).

Tankbustas and Shoota Boyz advance in Sector West.

Tankbustas and Shoota Boyz advance in Sector West.

A bombsquig finishes off the anti-aircraft gun atop Mama Gretchin.

A bombsquig finishes off the anti-aircraft gun atop Mama Gretchin.

Warboss Andrew and his Boyz assault the hill. This is the last known picture of Big Mek Orkvinceky, who was stuck down moments later while trying to hold the main gate by Andrew’s fearsome killchoppa.

Kommandos flee the Great Proletarian Vortex.

Kommandos flee the Great Proletarian Vortex.

The 6th Ork Army advances to the outskirts or Orkingrad.

The 6th Ork Army advances to the outskirts of Orkingrad.

 Stalwart Proletariat, Turn 2

  • Sector South: The defenders of Sector South find it difficult to hit anything; they only manage to inflict minor damage on the Deffkoptas. A Killa Kan gets bogged down in the mud and snow and fails to charge Warboss Callum’s mob.
  • Sector West: The Loota mobs pour fire into Warboss Andrew’s reserves, and send them packing off the field. The promethium Burnas and a unit of Grots combine fire to drive the Tankbustas back as well. Mad Dok Grotsnik is left as the only defender of Mama Gretchin hill, but stubbornly refuses to give up (or die).
  • Sector North: Lobba crews drop shells to some effect, but Warboss Daryl’s troops continue forward. Two Deff Dreads begin to move towards the attackers, their big shootas blazing. One of the Dreads attempts to charge Daryl’s mob, but is stymied by the snow.

Big Mean Jerks, Turn 3

All sectors of the defence begin to buckle under the sustained attack.

  • Sector South: The Deffkoptas fire a volley of rokkits that lightly damage the Looted Wagon, while the immobilized but still-dangerous Battlewagon destroys the Killa Kan that was menacing Warboss Callum, who calls a Waaagh! The ensuing charge annihilates the Grots stationed outside Pavork’s House. Callum is now inside the defensive perimeter, within reach of the Mega-Kanon, Pavork’s House and a unit of Gretchin workers. The Dakkajet shrieks by and strafes the Looted Wagon outside the Red Orktober Factory, causing heavy damage. A Wartrakk skorcha torches a building near Mama Gretchin Hill, killing several of the Grots who had fired on Andrew’s Tankbustas. Ork Warbiker reinforcements again fail to arrive from reserve.
  • Sector West: The vortex begins crawling up Mama Gretchin Hill. The Tankbustas regroup and move towards the city once more. Warboss Andrew finally finishes off Mad Dok Grotsnik and secures the heights. The surviving Burna-bomba ignores the substantial damage it has suffered and manages to kill some of crew of the main Lobba battery—but the crew, infused with an unbreakable spirit of revolutionary solidarity, refuse to break.
  • Sector North: Warboss Daryl calls a Waaagh! of his own and charges the nearby Deff Dread. Two of his boyz are cut down by powerklaws, but they nevertheless begin to tear the Dread apart; it won’t last much longer. The Tankbustas complete their flanking maneuver, taking control of the street outside the Factory and destroying the Looted Wagon, while simultaneously threatening the rear of the Dread fighting Daryl. A Slugga mob, depleted by Lobba fire, charges the Grot barricades and fights the defenders to a standstill.
Warboss Andrew finishes off the few remaining Grot defenders of Mama Gretchin—as the Great Proletarian Vortex slowly works its way up the hill.

Warboss Andrew finishes off the few remaining Grot defenders of Mama Gretchin—as the Great Proletarian Vortex slowly works its way up the hill.

Heroes of the Grotvolution, Turn 3

The turning point?

  • Sector West: The Great Proletarian Vortex advances up Mama Gretchin Hill, causing heavy damage to the Lootas’ watchtower. The Lootas retire via a trap door to the apparent safety of nearby ruins. Two boatloads of grots arrive from across the river and prepare to reinforce the Factory and the Void Shield generator. Warboss Andrew and his ever diminishing group of Ard Boyz finish off Doc Grotsnik, and now only face a rag-tag group of Grot infantry.
  • The Shokk Attack Gun generates yet another vortex, but this one drifts across the Volgrot River and away from the battle.
  • Sector North: The exemplary workers inside the Red Orktober Factory finish constructing two Killa Kans and send them directly into the fray.
  • Sector South: the Volgrot bubbles and churns. In a plume of steam, the monstrous, clanking war machine known as Josef Stompa emerges from the frigid waters, sheets of ice crashing from its armoured flanks to the streets below. Grand Mek Marshal Zhukork gazes out from the colossal walker’s command center as the beleaguered defenders of Pavork’s House send up a cheer . The super-heavy walker concentrates its fire on the enemy Nobz about to overrun the bastion, destroying most and driving back the few survivors. The singed corpse of Warboss Callum—or, at least, what is left of it after being fired upon by a Stompa’s full arsenal— is later found among the dead.
Grot reinforcements leap from their barges to join the stalwart defenders of Sector North.

Grot reinforcements leap from their barges to join the stalwart defenders of Sector North.


Heroes of the Workers’ Anti-Aircraft Brigade (WAAB) atop the mighty proletarian bastion of Pavgrot’s House.

Josef Stompa emerges from the Volgrot River in the very best "Pacific Rim" style to rain wrathful vengeance upon all exploiters and imperialists.

Josef Stompa emerges from the Volgrot River in the very best “Pacific Rim” style to rain mechanized destruction upon all exploiters and imperialists.

Fascist Fungoids, Turn 4

Despite the arrival of Josef Stompa, things still look dicey in the northern industrial zone.

  • Sector North: Although Orks are driven back from the Grot barricades at the crossroads, Warboss Daryl leads a breakthrough farther to the north, destroying the Deff Dread. The Tankbustas destroy a unit of Lobbas, causing the few surviving crew to flee in panic. The Red Orktober factory may soon fall to the enemy!
  • Sector West: The meandering Great Proletarian Vortx drifts over the lootas once more, but miraculously causes no casulaties—confirming the defenders’ view that the dialectics of history are firmly on their side. Warboss Andrew charges the Grots, finishing them off too. At last, Mama Gretchin hill is under his control! The Burnas deployed at the promethium pipeline are fired upon, and are now down to two survivors. They grimly hang on.
  • Sector South: The Deffkotas continue to fire at the looted wagon, but do little but a single glancing hit. Clearly some remedial gunnery training is in order. The Nobz start to retire, while the MegaNobz seek what cover they can. Ork Warbiker reinforcements once more fail to arrive from reserve.

Warboss Daryl leads his Ard Boyz through the ruins as his Tankbustas break through into the industrial zone.

The perfidious Dakkajet continues to strafe the brave defenders or Orkingrad.

The perfidious Dakkajet continues to strafe the brave defenders of Orkingrad.

The Dakkajet pilot's last words: "WAAB is no probz, dey culdnt 'it nuffink".

The Dakkajet pilot’s last words: “WAAB is no probz, dey culdnt ‘it nuffink”.

Heroes of Orkingrad, Turn 4

Orkingrad, graveyard of invaders!

  • Sector North: Concentrated fire from Grots and Killa Kans kills off most of the boyz accompanying Warboss Daryl, and even slightly wounds the great hulking warrior himself. The Tankbustas remain a serious threat, though.
  • Sector West: The Great Proletarian Vortex swings back to the fortifications atop the hill, disintegrating Warboss Andrew and most of his retinue. The few remaining attackers eye the hill and vortex warily “I dont fink wez shud go deyr,” says one surviving battalion commander. “Dat vortex iz naaaaasty.”
  • Sector South: The remaining Workers’ Anti-Aircraft Brigade quad deffgun atop Pavorks House takes down the Dakkajet, which crashes in a fiery ball just short of the gates of the Red Orktober factory. Having routed the Nobz, the stompa turns its attention to the MegaNobz, killing half of them. The Wartrakk is destroyed too. Warboss Callum radios to his much-delayed warbikers and tells them not to come—the 6th Panzork Army will be withdrawing from their positions instead.
Josef Stompa turns its attentions to the MegaNobz and Deffkoptas. The enemy is driven back!

Josef Stompa turns its attentions to the MegaNobz and Deffkoptas. The enemy is driven back!

Feral squigs scavenge amongst the Nob corpses and survivors.

Feral squigs scavenge amongst the Nob corpses and survivors.


The grim and but determined survivors of the heroic 2nd People’s Burna battalion continue to hold the prometheum pipeline (foreground), while in the distance the remnants of a 6th Army Tankbusta mob can be seen huddling for shelter in a shell crater as Grots fire upon them. A destroyed Wartrakk is nearby.


These Grot infantry are volunteers from other planets, part of the so-called “Interplantary Brigades” of green socialists from across the sector committed to defeating warlordism and tyranny in a spirit of fraternal solidarity.

Warboss Andrew falls prey to the Great Proletarian Vortex!

Warboss Andrew falls prey to the Great Proletarian Vortex!


Lootas pour fire into enemy troops on Mama Gretchin in the hopes of driving them back.

The Dakkajet is downed by the Workers' Anti-Aircraft Brigade!

The Dakkajet is downed by the Workers’ Anti-Aircraft Brigade!


Mek Thermaplugg atop the chemical plant as the Great Proletarian Vortex continues to wreak havoc down below.

The  Shokk Attack Gunner atop the chemical plant surveys his handiwork as the Great Proletarian Vortex continues to wreak havoc.

A grots-eye view of the battlefield.

The battle is over! The enemy withdraws, as the Grots and Meks of Orkingrad sing revolutionary songs of proletarian solidarity and the toast with grotvodka to the inevitable victory of Morkian socialist thought over the rotting edifice of twilight feudalist warlordism.

When the dust (but not the vortex) settles, the flag of the Grot Mek Soviet still flies amid the socialist rubble!

When the dust (but not the vortex) settles, the flag of the Grot Mek Soviet still flies amid the socialist rubble!

Orkingrad: the scenario


Orkmas is, for many greenskins, a time of great rejoicin’, lootin’, and krumpin’. For the defenders of the Free Soviet of Grot and Mek Workers, however, it was to prove a time of great peril. The Soviet had been established on the planet Uessessarr during the tumultuous days of Doctor Morork’s revolt. There,  Gretchin and Ork Meks lived a hard life of proletarian toil, but one free from exploitation by brutal and avaricious Orkish warbosses.

Through the Mororkian Wars that followed, they were largely ignored. That changed, however, following the defeat of Doctor Morork’s forces at the Second Battle of Who-Ville. Recognizing the threat posed by workers’ solidarity, two large Orkish armies were sent to capture the Soviet. A prime target was the city of Orkingrad, situated on the banks of the mighty Volgrot River.

This human city has a layout remarkably similar to the legendary proletarian stronghold of Orkingrad.

This human city has a layout remarkably similar to the legendary proletarian stronghold of Orkingrad.

Attacking from the west was the footslogging 4th Ork Army (2697 points), commanded by warbosses Andrew and Daryl:

  • Warboss Daryl + squig
  • Warboss Andrew + squig
  • 20 Slugga Boyz (with big shootas) + powerklaw Nob
  • 20 Slugga Boyz (with big shootas) + powerklaw Nob
  • 20 Slugga Boyz (with big shootas) + powerklaw Nob
  • 20 Slugga Boyz (with big shootas) + powerklaw Nob
  • 20 Shoota Boyz (with big shootas) + Nob
  • 20 Shoota Boyz (with big shootas) + Nob
  • 11 Ard Boyz + powerklaw Nob + Trukk
  • 11 Ard Boyz + powerklaw Nob + Trukk
  • 11 Tankbustas + Nob + Trukk
  • 11 Tankbustas + Nob + Trukk
  • 15 Kommandos + Nob
  • Blitizabommer
  • Burnabommer

Attacking from the south was the 6th Panzork Army (1473 points), commanded by warboss Callum:

  • Warboss Callum + squig
  • 4 Warbikers + powerklaw Nob
  • 12 Nobz + Battlewagon (with Killkannon)
  • 4 MegaNobz + Trukk
  • 4 Warbuggies (with big shootas)
  • 1 Wartrakk (with skorcha)
  • 5 Deffkoptas with buzzsaw and bombs
  • Dakkajet

The city itself was divided into three major defensive zones. Sector South consisted of the densely built-up city centre. Defences here were anchored on the fortified bastion of Pavgrot’s House.

Central Orkingrad, showing the defenders of Pavgrot's House preparing for the impending enemy assault.

Central Orkingrad, showing the defenders of Pavgrot’s House preparing for the impending enemy assault.

Sector West was dominated by Mama Gretchin hill and its entrenchments. To the east of it lay promethium storage tanks and chemical plants.

The fortifications of Mama Gretchin hill, and the chemical storage facilities beyond.

The fortifications of Mama Gretchin hill, and the chemical storage facilities beyond.

Sector North was largely an industrial area, dominated by the Red Orktober Traktor Faktory.

The industrial district and Red Orktober Traktor Faktory.

The industrial district and Red Orktober Traktor Faktory.

The defenders (4087 points) held the east bank of the river, and could expect some reinforcements to arrive by boat. The workers at the traktor faktory were also hard at work producing Killa Kans for battle. However, no real relief could be expected until the arrival of the mechanical behemoth known as “Josef Stompa,” commanded by none other than the Great Mek Marshal Zuhkork.


  • Big Mek Rex
  • Big Mek Vince
  • Big Mek
  • 20 Grots + 2 Runtherders + Painboy
  • 10 Grots + Runtherder
  • 10 Grots + Runtherder
  • 10 Grots + Runtherder
  • 10 Grots + Runtherder
  • 10 Grot Worker Militia+ Runtherd
  • 10 Grot Worker Militia+ Runtherd
  • 8 Burnas + Mek + Mad Dok Grotsnik
  • 8 Burnas + Mek + Painboy
  • 7 Lootas + Mek + Painboy
  • 7 Lootas + Mek
  • Killa Kan
  • Killa Kan
  • Killa Kan
  • Killa Kan
  • Killa Kan
  • Deff Dread
  • Deff Dread
  • 3 Lobbas
  • 2 Lobbas
  • Looted Wagon (with Killkannon)
  • Looted Wagon (with Killkannon)
  • Lobba
  • Kannon
  • Zzzap Gun
  • Mega-Kannon


  • 10 Grots + Runtherder + Barge
  • 10 Grots + Runtherder + Barge
  • 10 Grots + Runtherder + Barge
  • Killa Kan
  • Killa Kan
  • Josef Stompa


Vehicle Movement:

  • Vehicles and bikes may not mount roofs or battlements, ascend vertical obstacles higher than 1”, or otherwise do some of the silly-looking things allowed under 7th Edition rules.


  • Roll at the start of each turn, starting on Turn 2: on a 6, it is raining or snowing that turn, and ALL terrain counts as difficult. Add one for each subsequent turn.

Case Green

  • Orks move first, entering from their command’s assigned table edge.
  • At least one Ork unit per Army (in addition to flyers) must be assigned to reserves.

Pavgrot’s House

  • Imperial bunker
  • Medium Building with battlements
  • AC14, 4 HP + Void Shield (AC12)
  • 4 emplaced Big Shootas
  • 1 emplaced Quad Deffgun (w/Skyfire and Interceptor)
  • Units occupying count as stubborn.

Void Shield Generator

  • Impassable Medium Building with battlements (or barricades)
  • AC14, 4 HP
  • 3 Void Shields (AC12, 12”)

Mama Gretchin fortifications

  • Aegis Defence Line with Tanglewire and Tank Traps
  • 4+ save (2+ Gone to Ground)
  • Emplaced quad Quad Deffgun (w/Skyfire and Interceptor)
  • Units occupying count as stubborn 

Mama Gretchin watchtower

  • Wall of Martyrs bunker
  • Medium Building with battlements
  • AC14, 4 HP
  • Ammo Store (reroll 1s)
  • Trap Door (within 12”)

Grot Defence Line (x2)

  • Aegis Defence Line
  • 4+ save (2+ Gone to Ground)
  • Tanglewire, Tank Traps

Chemical Factory

  • Promethium Pipes.
  • 4+ save (on 6, reroll for explosion)
  • Burna can count as Torrent


  • Four buildings, ruins, or fortifications may be booby-trapped.
  • Place 4 booby trap and 8 dummy markers to indicate this.

Endless Grots

  • Three 11-strong units of Gretchin must be placed in reserve.
  • These arrive in the usual way anywhere on the eastern (river) table edge), embarked on landing craft. The models to depict the unit must be available (from casualties).
  • Barges are treated as Trukks, with the following exceptions: they are slow, may reroll dangerous terrain, may only travel on water, and armed with a twin-linked Big Shoota.
  • All Runtherds are armed with Grotprod or Grabba Stick as the model depicts (instruments count as Grotprods). All units are assumed to have a Squighound.

Red Orktober

  • The traktor faktory is an AV 13 large building with 5 hull points, with the Mighty Bulwark special rule.
  • Two Killa Kans start the game in reserve. The models to depict the unit must be available (from casualties). These arrive from reserve inside the factory, unless it has been destroyed.
  • Units occupying count as stubborn

Grot Worker Militia

  • Grot Workers may fight as per regular Grots, but at BS and WS 1. They do have a Runtherd, but do not have a Squighound attached.
  • During the shooting phase, instead of shooting a unit of Grot Workers may instead try to repair a building or vehicle with which it is in contact. Roll a D6: on a 5+, recover one hull point.

Josef Stompa

  • Josef Stompa must be placed in reserve.
  • Dice for arrival starting Turn 3 (not Turn 2). It will automatically arrive Turn 5 (not Turn 4).
  • It must enter from the north, south, or east table edge, no closer than 12” to an enemy unit. If unable to arrive it stays in reserve.

Orkmas 2015: The Fighty Bits

And so it was that three great Ork armies, victorious against the squishy pink hummies of the Empire, fought amongst themselves for the real prize: the legendary (or at least quite-well-known) Forgotten Effigy of Yool’Ty’ed, whose awesome powers (if it indeed have awesome powers—that part is disputed by scholars) could lay waste (or at least slightly bruise) entire planets (or grots).


The Forgotten Effigy of Yool’Ty’ed, floating mysteriously in the air above the ruins.

This (maybe) mighty relic lay in a strangely gothic ruined cathedral, deep in the not-so-pretty part of Who-ville.

The not-so-pretty part of Who-ville.

The not-so-pretty part of Who-ville, looking north across the River What.

The devastation wrought by prior battle, massive planetary bombardment, and global warming caused by the Whos’ careless overuse of wood-burning fireplaces had caused much the snow to melt, leaving only patches.

The ever cunning Doctor Morork arrived at the scene of battle in a new cybernetic body and his very latest Stompa, fully kitted out with a Kustom Force Field. He was accompanied by one large units of Grots (accompanied by a Painboy), two smaller units, a squadron of four Killer Kans, and a Deff Dread. Fire support was provided by a battery of three Lobbas, a Kustom Mega-Kannon, and a Shokk Attack Gun. Overhead, a Dakkajet, Burna-Bommer, and Blitza-Bommer would provide close air support once they arrived from reserve. He deployed to the southeast of the town, behind the River What. His plan was to cross the river and seize the ruins opposite with two of the Grot squads. The Kans and Dredd would advance on his right flank to engage the enemy, supported by the artillery and flyers. Then, either the Grots would move the capture the relic, or the Doctor would do it himself in his Stompa.

Grots pour across the River, while the Stompa heads towards the bridge.

Grots scamper across the River What squeaking with barely-contained excitement, while the Stompa heads towards the bridge.

Da Grinch and his trusty sidekick Maxx deployed to the southwest. Their mechanized forces consisted of two squads of ‘Ard Boyz, a unit of MegaNobz (led by Da Grinch personally), and a unit of Lootas in Trukks. This was reinforced by a Battlewagon (with a squad of Nobz inside), a Looted Wagon, and a squadron of four Warbuggies. Four Deffkoptas were in reserve. The cunning warboss was reluctant to head too quickly towards the cathedral ruins, fearing he had too few boyz to get into a choppa-to-choppa slugfest with Scrooge’s massive horde. Instead he would send the bulk of his forces around the left flank, hoping thereby to cut off the enemy if he grabbed the relic. The Looted wagon would be sent towards Doctor Morork’s Stompa, hoping to distract or delay it until the Deffkoptas could arrive with their rokkits, and hopefully start to do some damage. The Lootas would hang back to provide general fire support, and try to down any bothersome flyers.

Which, of course, left the foot-slogging hordes of Warboss Scrooge. Scrooge had a deep aversion to too much technology, and as a consequence viewed Doctor Morork’s bizarre tinkering with cybernetics, grots, and genetic engineering as a perverse violation of the Ancient Greenskin Ways. His forces consisted of two large mobz of Slugga Boyz, two equally large mobz of Shoota Boyz, a squad of Tankbustas, a squad of Burna Boyz, Stormboyz (led by Zagstruk) himself), and Kommandos (led by Snikrot). The latter two, he hoped, would cause much mayhem in the enemy’s rear. Spiritual guidance—or, at the very least, strange chanting interspersed with gibberish and odd psychic pyrotechnics—was provided by a Weirdboy mounted top a magnificent almost-albino-but-not-really war boar.


Scrooge’s greenskin horde enters Who-ville.

Scrooge deployed almost his entire force in the center of the battlefield, hoping to overwhelm with sheer numbers.

Still more boyz--and the sole remnant of Who-ville's former Imperial garrison.

Still more boyz–and the sole remnant of Who-ville’s former Imperial garrison.

This left him almost out of range of Morork’s artillery, which he had deployed to the rear and considerably further east.

A mob of Slugga Boyz enters a destroyed building across the street from the cathedral.

A mob of Slugga Boyz enters a destroyed building across the street from the cathedral.

However, that also made him vulnerable to to the huge Deff Kannon on the Stompa. It fired, downing large numbers of Orks. Scrooge was not deterred, however.


The ridiculously photogenic Warboss Scrooge strides through a Deff Kannon explosion.

Morork followed up a little later with attacks from the air.

The Blitza-Bommer drops a Boom Bomb in the midst of Scrooge's massed boyz.

The Blitza-Bommer drops a Boom Bomb in the midst of Scrooge’s massed boyz, resulting in rather fewer boyz.

First the Blitza-Bommer and then the Burna-Bommer unleashed their deadly weapons into the massed crowd of greenskins, bringing down many more. The former took some hits from the Lootas, however.

 The Burna-Bommer follows up a turn later, loosing salvos of flamey Skorcha Missiles into Scrooge's position.

The Burna-Bommer follows up a turn later, loosing salvos of flamey Skorcha Missiles into Scrooge’s position.

Meanwhile, Da Grinch’s forces had begun their flanking move to the left. One Trukk was gunned down by the Supa-Gatler on the Stompa, and the Ard Boyz within eliminated by even more fire from the contraption. Not long after, a blast from the Deff-Kanon largely obliterated the second squad of Ard Boys, who had sought shelter in a ruined church. The MegaNobz disembarked, and started to advance slowly.

Da Grinch attempts to envelop Scrooge's left flank, but takes heavy fire from Morork's Stompa en route.

Da Grinch attempts to envelop Scrooge’s left flank, but takes heavy fire from Morork’s Stompa en route.

Despite all the carnage thrown his way, Scrooge’s forces reached the cathedral first. Guided by the Hand of Mork (or possibly Gork) himself (or maybe herself), Burna Boyz entered the ruined shrine to claim the relic and prepare to remove it to their territory.

The Hand of Mork (or possibly Gork) puts in an appearance in the cathedral.

The Hand of Mork (or possibly Gork) puts in an appearance in the cathedral.

Doctor Morork’s Grot troops took up position in the ruins across the street from Scrooge’s boyz, and started to trade shots and insults about everyone’s dubious parentage. The Kans and Dredd pressed on.

Grot-infested buildings.

Grot-infested buildings.

The Stompa destroyed Grinch’s Looted Wagon, gunned down the boyz in the cathedral, took out a Trukk and a Warbuggy, then climbed on top of the bridge, apparently headed towards the cathedral itself.

Doctor Morork towers over the battlefield, looking for things to stomp.

Doctor Morork towers over the battlefield, looking for things to stomp.

However, wily Scrooge had a trick or fifteen up his sleeve. Snikrot and the Kommandos suddenly appeared on the eastern edge of the battle. They quickly overran two units of Mek Gunz…



…and then hunted down the Shokk Attack Gun in the woods.

Big Meks can run, but they can't hide )at least not very well when carrying a giant humming Shokk Attack Gun).

Big Meks can run, but they can’t hide (at least not when they are carrying a giant blinky-hummy Shokk Attack Gun).

Not long after, Zagstruk and the Stormboyz landed to the rear of Doctor Morork’s forces, not far from the Stompa itself. Several drowned in the river, and others were shot down by Grots. Still, they posed a formidable threat.

The Stompa began to take hits from a growing number of Deffkoptas that whirled around it like so many angry mechanical twin-linked-rokkit-armed bees piloted by large green ork-like things. At one point, the Weirdboy even conjured up a giant Green Foot that krunched it a little.

Suddenly, freak atmospheric conditions plunged the battle into darkness! [1] Mere darkness, however, is not enough to keep greenskins away from a good battle. [2] Emergency lighting protocols were instituted.

Emergency lighting protocol Alpha Omega.

Emergency lighting protocol Orky Omega.

At this point, Da Grinch made his move. Waaaaaghhhhhh! Supported by much dakka from Maxxx and the Warbuggies, the MegaNobz assaulted Grinch’s boyz in the nearest ruins, all but wiping them out. The Battlewagon then advanced, disembarking its Nobz outside the cathedral and gunning down most of the survivors in the street. Even Scrooge himself was wounded.

Da Grinch's flanking attack hits Scrooge hard to the north of the cathedral.

Da Grinch’s flanking attack hits Scrooge hard to the north of the cathedral.

Meanwhile, Doctor Morork’s Kan’s had reached the remaining mob of Shoota Boyz, an a melee ensued. The Deff Dredd changed direction, and began trundling down the road towards the cathedral and relic.

In desperation, rage, or just to see what would happen, Scrooge announced his own Waaagh, and charged towards the Stompa from the front. Zagstruk and the remaining Stormboyz did the same from the rear.

As a Deff Dredd looks on in amazement, Warboss Scrooge and his trained attack squig Cuddles charges towards Who-ville bridge—and the towering Stompa atop it.

As a Deff Dredd looks on in amazement, Warboss Scrooge and his trained attack squig Cuddles charges towards Who-ville bridge—and the towering Stompa atop it.

The stationary Stompa was torn apart by Scrooge’s klaw, and exploded! Doctor Morork—or, at least, his most recent body, since his mind was hurriedly backed-up to a  storage device far from the battlefield—clambered out of the wreckage to face his green nemesis. The two grappled and klawed, as the Stompa continued to burn behind them.

The epic finale of the battle, as the remotely-controlled cybernetic body of crazed Mek genius Doctor Morork battles with Warboss Scrooge (slayer of behemoths) as a Stompa explodes atop a bridge and dusk falls on Who-ville. Even the bastard love-child of George Lucas and James Cameron couldn't write an ending like this.

The epic finale of the battle. The remotely-controlled cybernetic body of crazed Mek genius Doctor Morork battles with Warboss Scrooge (slayer of behemoths) as a Stompa explodes atop a bridge and dusk falls on Who-ville. Even the bastard love-child of George Lucas and James Cameron couldn’t write an ending like this.

Neither would survive the combat.

The game finished in complete darkness at the end of Turn 4. At this point Doctor Morork had 3VP (one for first blood, two for killing an opposing warboss in a challenge), and Scrooge also had 3 VP (one for a unit in an enemy deployment zone, and two for killing an opposing warboss in a challenge). Da Grinch only had 1 VP (for having a unit in an enemy deployment zone), BUT had sizeable force (Nobz, Meganobz, Grinch, and Maxx) nearest the relic. As is traditional at Orkmas, the game was therefore declared a draw.


[1] Following snow, ice pellets, freezing rain, high winds, and a sudden drop in the temperature outside to -20, the power cut out.

[2] Nor does it stop hardy Canadian gamers from gaming.

Orkmas 2015


Ork forces overrun Who-villle.

After the Battle of Who-ville the Orks quickly overran this distant corner of the Goatronium Expansions, despite a desperate rearguard action by the few remaining Imperial Guard and Space Marine forces. Terrified Whos (both the tall and the small) fled the planet, carrying what jingtinglers and floofloovers they could before they were overrun by marauding bands of greenskins.

Eventually the last human ship left. And with this victory, the Orks—being Orks—soon fell into squabbling among themselves.

Most of this involved disputes over who was bigger and meaner, who looted what, whose head was squishier, or how many grots could fit in a bucket. However, when a powerful and mysterious alien artifact was discovered on the planet, skirmishes turned to serious slaughter as three rival warbands sought to possess the newly-found device.


A mysterious alien artifact is discovered.

The first of these, of course, were forces of mechanical mayhem commanded by Warboss Da Grinch and his loyal aide Maxxx. Their army had played a key role at the Battle of Who-ville, and—in Da Grinch’s view—this meant that pretty much everything on the planet now belonged to him (or ought to).

The second group was led by renegade Orkish scientist Dr. Morork, whose unauthorized genetic and cybernetic experiments with grots had led to his being ostracized from polite Orkish society (whatever that might be). For Dr. Morork, alien technology was something he simply must have. While his mind had been downloaded into a Stompa after a near-death experience some years ago, his twisted cunning had become even more formidable.

Finally, there were the Bahumbug Clan led by Warboss Scrooge. Notoriously miserly, Scrooge refused to pay up for trukks, battlewagons, or other forms of transport and pretty much made his boyz footslog everywhere they went. He had been elsewhere in the quadrant when news of the relic’s discovery had reached him. It seems as good a reason as any to declare a Waaagh.

Rules: Warhammer 40K 6th edition, because Warboss Scrooge is far too cheap to buy the expensive new 7th edition given that it was issued a mere two years after its predecessor. The current Ork Codex will be used, however.

Scenario: The Relic.

Primary objective: Control the Relic at end of the game (3VP)

Secondary objectives:

  • Slay the Warlord (1 VP per enemy warboss slain, 2 VP if slain in a challenge)
  • First Blood (1 VP to first player to destroy a unit)
  • Linebreaker (1 VP for scoring or denial unit in enemy deployment area at end of game)

Special Rules: Night Fighting (on 4+ game turn 1 is night), Reserves. Roll for areas of snow on battlefield when first in contact: 1-4 shallow snow (no effect on game play), 5-6 deep snow (difficult terrain).

Game Length: Variable length, 5+ turns