The Battle of Who-ville

whoville-arch

Who-ville was an Imperial-controlled planet on the distant edges of the Goatronium Expansions. The indigenous population of Whos were renowned for their kerplinkas and what-woozlers, Christmas carols, and delicious roast beast.

IMG_1776Neither they, nor the local Imperial garrison, was expecting much trouble.

IG Whoville

l56756-the-grinch-logo-65964However, on top of near by Mount Crumpit—ten thousand feet up—lived a mean old Ork warboss—da Grinch— who HATED Christmas.

“I gotta stop Christmas from coming,” da Grinch said. “Perhaps if da hummies and Whos wuz all dead?”

And then he got an idea… a horrible, cunning, Orky idea. “I knowz what to do,” said da Grinch to pal Maxx. “We load up with dakka and trukks full of boyz, den dakka dem impies until dey can’t make no noise!”

IMG_1781

The Grinch was referring to the Imperial tradition of singing carols around the tree on Christmas morning. The Whos would sing in joyous celebration of Christmas, while the Guard would sing in fearful terror of the punishments inflicted by their commissars on those who failed to show anything less than the required degree of apparent enthusiasm.

The town’s defences included several platoons of infantry, heavy weapons squads, a Banebalde super-heavy tank, three Leman Russ tanks, four lighter Chimeras or Hellhounds, and artillery. Additional Space Marine reinforcements could also be quickly called upon from nearby, or from orbit above the planet.

IMG_1783Attacking from the west was mad scientist Dr. Morork, his fearsome Stompa, and his fanatical army of Meks and Grots. Grots on hover-boards led the way! Other Grots hurried to set up a battery of Lobbas behind a copse of trees. This would soon bring deadly fire down on the Imperial Guard in the town as they scrambled from carol-singing around the Christmas tree to their assigned defensive positions.

IMG_1791From the east, Warboss Maxx led four huge mobs of Choppa and Shoota Boyz through the sleeping streets of Who-ville. He could also call upon a unit of Tankbustas to strengthen his main assault, Boss Snikrot and his Kommandos infiltrating from the rear, and Boss Zagstruck and da Vultcha Boyz arriving by deep-strike.

IMG_1794From the north, down the very slopes of Mount Crumpit, would come da Grinch and his mechanized troops: a Battlewagon, Looted Wagon (with Boomgun), two mobs of ‘Ard Boyz in Trukks, Buggies, Deffkoptas, and a few Lootas. A Dakkajet and Blitzbommer would provide air support. Cunning as ever, da Grinch himself planned to flank march with a squad of Meganobz in a Trukk, hoping thereby to catch any Space Marine reinforcements by surprise.

IMG_1788Under the cover of night, Warboss Maxx’s boyz started their infiltration of the town. Not even the sight of a Baneblade in the town square deterred them.

IMG_1799As dawn broke, the greenskin air force roared into the attack. Dakka-dakka-dakka-dakka-dakka! This, together with the fire from the Stompa, Looted Wagon, and Deffkoptas, took out some of the Imperial armour (much to the relief of Warboss Maxx, who was worried about his boyz being roasted by the Hellhounds).

IMG_1804Shortly thereafter the Ork Stormboyz and Kommandos launched their attack in the Imperial rear, as suppa-rokkits from the Stompa destroyed the town hall. The former took out a tank and the Imperial artillery, while several squads (and much of the Imperial headquarters) were lost in the latter.

IMG_1813Imperial heavy weapons in the toy shop, a squad of veterans, and the sole surviving Leman Rus gunned down first da Vultcha Boyz then the last of the Kommandoes.

Meanwhile, the Ork mechanized forces began to approach the northern edge of Who-ville. They lost several Trukks and Buggies to Imperial fire, however. The ‘Ard Boyz crawled out of the wreckage of their transports and began to foot-slog towards their objectives.

IMG_1812To the west, Maxx’s boyz suffered heavy casualties from the Baneblade, but took out a Chimera and tore down St. Seuss cathedral on top of several squads of Imperial infantry and heavy weapons. The few human survivors from St. Seuss fell back towards the square.

IMG_1819The Tankbustas charged the Baneblade. They were soon wiped out, but not before inflicting some serious damage on the super-heavy vehicle.

IMG_1821Space Marine reinforcements were surprisingly slow in arriving.  Those that appeared in the town were immediately slaughtered by a mob of Choppa Boyz, and their Rhino torn apart with a power-klaw.

IMG_1822A Marine Land Raider and a squad of Terminators arrived on the eastern flank, intent on taking down Dr. Morork’s giant Stompa. First, however, they had to cut their way through the many Grots defending it. This proved surprisingly hard to do—although one unit of Grots was quickly routed, their defensive fire shot down two of the Terminators in the process. As the Grots scampered, they squeaked insults at the Marines.

IMG_1826A second squad of Marines with missile launchers took up position in the distance, and fired upon the Stompa. While they did some damage, the Meks inside seemed to fix any damage almost as quickly as it was inflicted.

IMG_1831The greenskin air force continued to bomb and strafe the Imperial force, and also tangled with a few Imperial flyers in ineffectual dog-fights. But where was da Grinch himself? He still hadn’t arrived from his flank march! Nor, for that matter, had several squads of Marines—so much for being a “Quick Reaction Force.”

IMG_1827A Leman Russ and a platoon of infantry hurried across the square to meet the Battlewagon and other Orky vehicles as they  entered the town. Would the Imperial tank destroy its Orky opponent before it could use its fearsome deffroller on the defenders?

IMG_1832We’ll never know. For at this point, the Whos down in Who-ville, the tall and the small, invited everyone to join them in a feast of delicious Who-pudding, and rare Who-roast beast.

The battle was therefore called a draw.

grinch-600x384

All the Whos Down in Whoville…

Image

Every Who down in Who-ville Liked Christmas a lot…
But Warlord Grinch, who lived just north of Who-ville, Did NOT!

Da Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season! Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his orky shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his orky heart was two sizes too small.

But, whatever the reason, His heart or his shoes, He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Whos,

Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown at the warm lighted windows below in their town. For he knew every Who down in Who-ville beneath Was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath.

“And they’re hanging their stockings!” he snarled with a sneer, “Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!” Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming, I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!

For, tomorrow, he knew…

All the Who girls and boys would wake bright and early. They’d rush for their toys! And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise! That’s one thing he hated!

The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down to a feast.

And they’d feast! And they’d feast! And they’d FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!

They would feast on Who-pudding, and Imperial roast beast. Which was something the Grinch couldn’t stand in the least!

And THEN They’d do something He liked least of all!

Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small, Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing. They’d stand hand-in-hand. And the Whos would start singing!

They’d sing! And they’d sing! And they’d SING! SING! SING! SING!

And the more the Grinch thought of this Who-Christmas-Sing,
The more the Grinch thought

“I must stop this whole thing! Why, for fifty-three years I’ve put up with it now! I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! …But HOW?”

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, ORKY IDEA!

“I know just what to do!”  The Grinch laughed in his throat.
And he called to his boyz to get ready to spread violence about.

And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Orky trick! Me and da boyz,we’ll have our kicks! All I need is a wagon…
The Grinch looked around. But, since wagonz is scarce, there was none to be found.

Did that stop the old Grinch…?

No!

The Grinch simply said, “If I can’t find a wagon, I’ll make some instead!”
So he called Doctor Morork.
And they assembled some bitz.
And when it was done, painted them red.

THEN they loaded  dakka
And snivelling grots
Into ramshackle tanks
By now, there were lots

Then the Grinch said
Waaagh!
And the greenskin mob roared
They would soon feast on Marines
And Imperial Guard!

Wez Wish Youz a Merry Orkmas

DSC_0165

All seemed quiet on the frozen ice-world of Nordpole. Nonetheless, Commander Krys Qringul and Expeditionary Light Force (ELF) of the Imperial Guard stood on high alert. Defending Santa’s workshop was of the highest priority to the Imperium.

DSC_0159

Two ELF Infantry Platoons (each composed of two Infantry Squads,  a lascannon-equipped Heavy Weapons Squad and an autocannon-equipped Heavy Weapons Squad) were deployed around the perimeter on the compound, behind sandbag barricades and razor-sharp tanglewire. They were supported by five Chimeras. Commander Qringul and ELF HQ were deployed within the workshop itself.

Additional forces from the Retired Extra-Intergalactic Neutralization Divisional Elite Expeditionary Regiment (REINDEER) were also available, with two Space Marine REINDEER Razorbacks located to the rear of the compound, and two Assault Squads in reserve. Several minefields had been laid in key areas beyond the fortifications.

In the event of an assault the defenders of Nordpole could also call upon substantial reserves: an Imperial Guard Vulture and Valkyrie for air support, as well as a Death Company of Captain Rudolph’s Red Raiders (in a Land Raider), two Furioso Dreadnoughts in Drop Pods, and two Land Speeders.

IMG_0835

In a rare show of cooperation, the three rival attacking Ork hordes all agreed upon a coordinated dawn assault against the complex. Dr Morork deployed to the west, with his fearsome Stompa and his army of rebellious Meks and Grot. In addition to three Grot mobz, his force included four Killa Kans, a Deff Dread, three Lobbas, and a Shokk Attack Gun for added (but unpredictable) firepower.

IMG_0839

Warboss Da Grinch (and his sidekick Maxx) deployed to the north, with two very large mobz of Boyz, plus Tankbustas, Burnas, and Stormboyz. A group of Kommandos, led by Snikrot, were ordered to outflank and attack Santa’s workshop from the rear if possible.

IMG_0837

To the east, Warboss Jaakvrozt was ready with his personal retinue of Battlewagon-embarked MegaNobz. His Mechanical Mayhem also included two mobz of ‘Ard Boyz in Trukks, a squadron of Warbuggies (with big shootas), a Wartrakk (with skorcha), two Looted Wagons (one with a skorcha, the other with a boomgun), and four individual Deffkoptas (one with a buzzsaw).

IMG_0838

Ork shooting began to slowly whittle down the defenders as the greenskins advanced. A Chimera was destroyed by the Lifta-Droppa on Dr. Morork’s Stompa and wrecked. However, the Tankabustas failed to hit the Chimera parked by the front gate.

IMG_0840

Unfortunately, this Chimera was equipped with two heavy flamers. It promptly trundled forward and flambéed a good portion of Da Grinch’s forces. While the shoota Boyz carried on, the Stormboyz broke and fled. Next turn the bombsquigs would finally take care it, however.IMG_0842

On cue, Space Marine reinforcements arrived to aid the beleaguered garrison. One Drop Pod containing a Furioso Dreadnought was guided by its homing beacon to an impeccable landing right in front of Jaakfrozt’s forces. It promptly assaulted his Battlewagon, destroying it.

Jaakfrozt and the MegaNobz assaulted it back, but all of the latter were also destroyed before the Dreadnought was taken down.

IMG_0843

The rest of the Mechanical Mayhem sped forward to the edge of the Imperial defences, and disembarked. Jaakfrozt himself strode forward as fast as his mechanically-enhanced legs would allow him, hoping to join the action.

IMG_0841

The guardsman of ELF tried valiantly to stem the tide of Ard Boyz streaming towards them. The would soon be overrun, however.

DSC_0187

Da Grinch’s Ork Boyz also stormed towards the front gates. Dr. Morork monitored his rival’s progress.

Grinch Advance

Da Grinch led his Boyz up and over the Imperial defences, chopping down the soft squishy pink hummies.

IMG_0846

The defenders were, again, quickly overwhelmed.

DSC_0188

Cunningly disguised as tropical palms, the Kommandos achieved complete surprised at the rear of the complex. Santa’s workshop—which had already been heavily damaged by SupaRokkits from the Stompa—was destroyed, and most of the ELF HQ killed. Commander Krys Qringul himself would later be gunned down by Ork sluggas.

IMG_0848

Inside the compound, things were looking grim for the Imperium.

IMG_0850

Outside, however, things were looking better as Space Marine reinforcements continued to arrive on the battlefield. A Razorback tankshocked the Grot Lobba battery, breaking it. Later, it repeated the same move on the Mek with the Shokk Attack Gun, killing him.

The Valkyrie and Vulture devastated the Grot infantry, and anything else they could find to shoot at. The Valkyrie would eventually be taken down by fire from the Stompa.

Landspeeders, Marines, and another Dreadnought destroyed several Kans, and began to converge on the Stompa itself. Dr. Morork desperately recalculated his options as he turned the Stompa to face them.

IMG_0851

The Death Company and their Land Raider arrived by deepstrike to the northeast of the compound, were they were promptly assaulted by Maxx and a mob of choppa Boyz. The Land Raider was destroyed, but the surviving Death Company soon made short work of the Orks.

Moments after they did so, however, a Boomgun found their range. Most were killed in the ensuing blast, while stragglers were picked off by the Warbuggies.

The Furioso Dreadnought made a rather sticky green goo out of a Grot mob, Furious, Dr. Morork lifta-dropped it away from his forces, and in the middle of da Grinch’s boyz. The damaged Dreadnought subsequently killed the Ork warboss and his mob before being destroyed by a Tankbusta.

IMG_0852

Dr. Morork’s Stompa continued to inflict heavy damage on its Imperium, but finally was destroyed by repeated assaults. Loyal Grots managed to escape the burning wreck with Dr. Morork’s consciousness recorded on a holocrystal. Downloaded into another suitable machine, the mad genius would live again!

IMG_0854

By this point, the sun had begun to slowly set. The few remaining infantry on both sides rushed to the compound, hoping to score a Christmas gift or two. Not trusting Jaakfrozt’s Ard Boyz, da Grinch’s Kommandos assaulted them, but were driven back. They quickly regrouped, then finished off some Space Marine stragglers.

Meanwhile, the Burna Boyz realised that they had been having so much fun making snowmorks (or snowgorks) that they had completely forgotten to arrive from reserve. They hurried towards the battle, too late to affect the outcome but not too late to take heavy casualties from the Vulture’s punisher cannons.

IMG_0855

The Deffkopta’s damaged the Vulture, then proceeded to hunt down the remaining Imperial forces within the complex. Jaakfrozt finally killed something as he stumbled across a lone Space Marine.

IMG_0856

In the end, of the approximately 250 infantry deployed by the two sides, about a dozen were left alive by nightfall. Jaakfrozt was the only commander to survive. No one managed to claim a Christmas gift, so the game was a tie.

Thus the Ork armies retired, to lick their wounds. A large Imperial rescue force arrived a week later only to find frozen bodies, the burnt-out remains of Santa’s workshop—and to vow revenge next year, at Orkmas 2013.

christmas-warhammer-demotivational-poster-1226077759

Twas three weeks before Orkmas…

scifisantaOn the distant ice-planet Nordpole 2512, Santa Claus was busy making toys for all the good girls and boys in the galaxy, to be delivered simultaneously by transwarp conduits to a thousand populated planets on Christmas day. The location of his secret factory was one of the most closely held secrets in the Imperium—or so they thought.

In fact the secret had begun to unravel exactly year ago, when the renegade Mek genius Dr. Morork accidentally received a box of toys on Christmas. He hadn’t been a good boy or girl at all—rather, the unusual delivery was due to an error in Santa’s massive Naughty-and-Nice database. At the time the Ork Mek had hardly considered the matter, his brilliant but unorthodox mine being otherwise focussed on fomenting a Grot rebellion. That rebellion ultimately failed, and Dr. Morork himself was slain by the forces of Orkish orthoxy (as paradoxical as that may sound). Before he died, however, he downloaded his consciousness into his most powerful Stompa and then fled his volcanic island refuge.

Now Dr. Morork (version 2.0) had a great time to think about that odd parcel of toys and inedible fruitcake he had received. And think he/it did, cross-referencing the molecular composition of the fruitcake with the known galactic distribution of various radioisotopes of candied peel. Finally, after months of analysis, Nordpole was identified as the point of origin. With his very last Ork Kroozer and a small band of loyal (but really, really heavily armed) Grots and Meks he set out to conquer it.

The departure of Dr. Morork (version 2.0) to an isolated corner of the Goatronium Expansions did not go unnoticed, however. Da Grinch (and sidekick Maxx), the Greenskin commanders of the massive mob of footslogging Whozville  Boyz, noticed the Kroozer and gave chase with his own fleet. So did Grinch’s longtime rival, warboss Jaakvrozt and His Maniacal Mechanical Mayhem. The three rival fleets arrived at Nordpole almost simultaneously.

On the planet itself, Santa had little inkling of what was about to happen. The toy factory itself was guarded by a contingent of the Expeditionary Light Force (ELF) Imperial Guard, commanded by Commander Krys Qringul. This was reinforced a detachment of Space Marines, drawn from the veteran Retired Extra-Intergalactic Neutralization Divisional Elite Expeditionary Regiment (REINDEER). In reserve, they could call also upon additional Marines from Captain Rudolf’s Red Raiders.

With scanners unreliable at best due to high background levels of Goatronium radiation in the surrounding solar system, the Ork assault came with little warning….

Scenario Objectives

All Ork forces are rivals, and mutually hostile. While they may cooperate, there can only be one winner.

If the Imperial Player can retain control of Santa’s workshop with a scoring unit at the end of the game—and with no Ork scoring or denial units within 3″—then it is an epic Imperial win of the “holo-novellas-and-ribald-drinking-songs-will-be-written-of-this” variety.

Otherwise, the winner of the game will be determined by how many Christmas gifts each player controls at the end of the game. Christmas gifts are treated as moveable objectives. An infantry or walker unit in contact with a gift for a full turn can thereafter carry it, at a penalty 1 to its movement, WS and BS (total, not per gift carried). They will drop the gift if they fall back or are destroyed. Vehicles may not pick up a gift unless they have a grabbin’ klaw, nor may flyers, skimmers, or bikes. Units with jump/jetpacks may not use them while carrying a gift. Gifts are T 6 W 1 Sv 2+ with a 5+ invulnerable save if hit by template weapons, but otherwise may not be targeted.

The game will last 6 or 7 turns.

Forces and Deployment

The Imperial player deploys first and moves second. 1,000 points of Imperial Guard and 250 points of Space Marines will be deployed in lightly fortified positions around Santa’s workshop. An additional 1,750 points in Space Marines reserves will arrive by Deep Strike, or (skimmers/flyers) from the table edge within the original Imperial deployment zone. Each Imperial player should secretly roll for a warlord power for his character before the game starts. Ignore Master of OffenceImmovable Object, and Night Attacker traits—instead of these the player gains Target Priority.

Each Ork force consist of 1,500 points. These deploy within their designated deployment zones, which are 36″ wide and 6″ deep. Ork reserves arrive in these zones. Each Ork player should secretly roll for a warlord power for his warboss (or, in the case of Dr. Morork, the Stompa) before the game starts. Ignore Master of Defence, Master of Offence, Immovable Object, Night Attacker, and Princeps of Defeat traits—instead of these the player gains a second Waaagh.

Divide to Conquer may only be applied to one faction per turn (although the faction may vary from turn to turn).

Orkmas map

Before the game starts, each Ork player must secretly decide whether to attack at daybreak in a coordinated greenskin assault, or to try to beat the others to the prize with a hasty night attack.

  • If all Orks decide to attack at daybreak, then the Orkish players may deploy any and all units within their deployment zone. Others may be assigned to reserves.
  • If any Orks decide to attack at night, those players—and only those players—dice for each unit in their army: on a 4+ it may be deployed within their deployment zone, otherwise it is treated as in reserve. In this case, any Ork players who opted for a daylight assault are treated as if their entire army is in reserve, and must dice for its arrival starting Turn 2. The first three turns take place using the night-fighting rules.

Units arriving with the Outflank special rule may deploy from any table edge within 18″ of their original deployment zone. Snikrot may arrive anywhere (but remember, under 6th edition rules he and other outflankers may longer assault as soon as they arrive).

If all three Ork factions secretly commit to at the start of their turn to cooperate, all Orks take their turns simultaneously and none may attack another Ork. If they don’t,  the three rival factions secretly roll 2d6, and then may reroll one or die. The player with the highest total moves first. In the event of a tie, the ugliest moves first. Rival Ork factions are treated as desperate allies, and units will have to dice if they start the turn within 6″ of another Ork faction (unless they assault or shoot at their Orkish rivals that turn).

Terrain

All rivers are covered in thin ice, and are treated as dangerous terrain.

Santa’s workshop is an AV 12 medium building with three fire points and an access point to the front, two fire points to each side, and one to the rear. The compound is protected with tanglewire and sandbag barricades, and has one ammunition dump. Santa’s Christmas tree counts as Imperial statuary. The defenders may also place three minefields anywhere on the board before the start of the game.

The Island of Doctor Morork: battle report

(For the scenario special rules, see here.)

And so it was that the forces of Orkish orthodoxy—an odd concept if ever we’ve heard one—arrived at the Island or Doctor Morork, intent on stamping out both the Grot Rebellion and the Doctor’s unnatural experiments. Led by Warboss Vince, they included a unit of ‘Ard Boyz (in a Battlewagon), MegaNobz (+Trukk), three Mobz of Boyz (two with Shootas, one with Sluggas), Tankbustas, Stormboyz (+Zagstruk), Kommandos (+Snikrot), Deffkoptas, and a single Deff Dread (2,500 points).

Defending the secret island laboratory were Dr. Morork, Mad Dok Grotsnik, a Big Mek with Shokk Attack Gun, a second Big Mek with a KFF located inside a very formidable Stompa, a unit of Nobz, a couple of units of Grot rebels, three Killa Kans, and unit of Big Gunz. The local tribes assisted too, contributing a Tribal Idol, a unit of Feral Grot infantry, two units of Spider-Riders, and a Feral Lobba. The expected unit of Grot Surfers failed to show up, since they were apparently… well, surfing.

Deep inside his volcanic headquarters, Doctor Morork prepared to use his fearsome collection of secret (and rather random) weapons. Throughout the battle the Orks would find themselves beset by the automated Zzzap Gunz, boobytraps, and even Nuklear Misslez hidden on the island.

The Stompa and its crew sensed there was zogging to be had. Between Stompa, Lobba, and SAG fire, initial Ork casualties were high, especially among the Tankbustas.

The Ork Battlewagon charged forward. Mad Doc Grotsnik stood his ground, hoping to rip it apart. It didn’t work out well for the late Doc…

Deffkoptas descended on the feral grot village, hoping to destroy their precious Idol.

However, the (spider) cavalry arrived in the nick of time, to push them out.

The Stompa decided to have a go at the pesky Battlewagon…

…which was soon turned into a twisted pile of rather less pesky scrap metal. In a fury, waves of Orks would throw themselves at the Mek monstrosity.

While taking some damage, the Stompa stomped them, and the ground beneath its feet rapidly assumed the colour and consistency of day-old guacamole. In the background, the volcanic lair can be seen (complete with removable top!) The attacking Deff Dread would eventually be immobilized by an automated Zzzap Gun hidden in the boulders.

On the Grots’ right flank, Feral Grots faced off against Warboss Vince and the MegaNobz. While lasting somewhat longer than expected (thanks to the Grot’s poisoned weapons), the outcome was never in doubt.

Stormboyz headed towards the village. They would soon overrun it, and the Idol would be lost!

On the Grots’ left flank a unit of Kommandoz arrived and immediately ran into the tunnel leading to Doctor Morork’s secret (or apparently not-so-secret laboratory). They were stopped just short of their objective and routed, however, by a small band of loyal Nob bodyguards. Thereafter, a mob of Shoota Boyz killed off their Grot opponents and also headed towards the volcanic lair.

The Stormboyz decided to join the melee against the Stompa. More guacamole!

All the Stomping was to no avail, however. The Boyz broke through the Nobz in the tunnel, and forced their way into the control room. After several rounds of bitter claw-to-Klaw fighting, they finally vanquished Doctor Morork! The rebellion was crushed—for now.

The Island of Doctor Morork

Doctor Morork was undoubtedly one of the finest medi-Mekanical minds that the Greenskins worlds had known in some time. His revolutionary views regarding the untapped potential of the lowly Grot, however, had led to mockery, ridicule, and harassment. Hounded for his scientific beliefs, Dr. Morork and a select group of Mek minions sought refuge in the very fringes of the Goatronium Expansions. There they established a secret laboratory deep within a semi-active volcano on a distant jungle island, living among a local tribe of indigenous Feral Grots and continuing their various unorthodox experiments.

Usually orthodoxy is not such a big thing among Orks. However, putting forward the heretical notion that Grots should be treated as equals—and, indeed, could be the backbone of an elite fighting force—was too much for the Warbosses-that-be. There had been tales of Grot rebellions before, although no one dared speak of them openly. An Orkish Inquisitor was thus dispatched at the head of an Ork Army to put an end to the scientific heresies of Dr. Morork, and snuff out all traces of an incipient Grotshevik Revolution.

Terrain: Jungle island! Feral Grot village with idol! Secret Volcano laboratory! What more do you want?

Forces: 2,500 points each. This includes Dr. Morork’s mysterious secret weapon, controlled from deep within his hidden laboratory.

Special Scenario Rules: Grot and Feral Grrot rules here. Also, the jungle is dangerous! When dicing to move through difficult terrain, if any die shows a “1” consult the following table. Units rolling an extra die (for example, because of the Move Through Cover Special rule) may choose to reroll once on the table.

Result

Event

Effect

 2

Idol of Chorkk – Powerful mojo continues to flow from this dusty idol of a dead (?) god. Unit may re-roll failed saves in one Shooting or Assault phase.

3

Malodorous Mushrooms – Don’t eat those! Unit suffers D3 Wounds (as Power Weapons).

 4

Dead Adventurer’s Apparel – A sweet hat and a cool whip. This stuff probably belongs in a museum. For the rest of the game, when the unit would normally have to roll on this table, the unit may choose not to roll.

 5

Razor-tailed spike-skinned Terrorbeast – This savage predator uses hit-and-run tactics and kills for pleasure. Unit takes D6 hits(S6, Rending).

 6

Stranglevine – Thorny, poisonous and largely misunderstood, this plant just wants a hug.  Unit must immediately make a  Pinning Test.

7

Pygmy Headhunters – These tiny, jabbering tribals strike from the shadows with poisoned darts. Unit suffers D6+2 ranged Poison attacks (BS 4, SX, AP -).

 8

 Murder of Tikbalangs – A flock of hungry, ill-tempered scavengers descends in a mass of flapping wings and flashing talons – Run! Unit takes D6 hits (S3). Then roll a scatter die. The unit moves D3” in the indicated direction ( If the die shows ‘Hit’, the unit does not move).

 9

 A Thicket of Tangleshoot – This stuff catches on everything.  The unit’s Difficult Terrain result is halved (min. 1”), and it may not Run in the next Shooting Phase.

 10

 Wild Face-Eating Squig – Prized as pets among da Boyz, these ravenous brutes will eat the face right off your skull!  Unit takes 1 hit (S8, AP 5). If no wound is inflicted (or if the wound is saved) the unit leader gains 1 Attack Squig.

 11

A Rusty Old Bomb – Where did this come from? And why is there a family of squigs nesting beneath it? Roll 1D6.1-4: Opponent places a blast template over the unit (no scatter) and inflicts S4 AP 6 hits as normal.5+: Unit receives 1 Bomb Squig.

 12

Hunter’s Trail – Overgrown and littered with bones. Still easier than hacking through the underbrush.

Unit may move an additional D3+1” this turn.

Defeat at Orkandy

Despite their extensive planning, Allied Greenskin forces were comprehensively defeated at the Battle or Orkandy–leaving the continent to endure much longer under the yoke of Imperial tyranny. Ah well, as my aged Aunt Brainkleeva used to say, “someztimez youz chop ’em, and someztimez dey chop youz.”

In memory of all the Greenskins who perished on the sands of Swaaarghrd Beach, we present the following pictoral tribute (photos all courtesy of Jason, who documented the game when not slaughtering Orks).

The Allies made careful plans, ordering low, fast Spitfungus reconnaissance aircraft to take detailed photos of key objectives…

One key objective was the gun battery at Squigville, which overlooked Swaaarghrd Beach.

The landings would face beach obstacles, a high seawall, bunkers, tank traps, trenches, barbed wire, and minefields—as well as the remarkably numerous 716th Imperial Guard.

The woods and fields of the Orkandy countryside looked deceptively quiet.

The allies hoped to capture the coastal town of Orkeham.

Although the approaches to the town (Sector Mork) were held by formidable fortifications.

The initial night-time landings by the 6th Orkborne Division went well. Heavy AA fire would mean that one unit of Stormboyz were dropped far from their intended DZ, but in the best Orkborne tradition they marched towards the sound of the dakka and arrived only a little late.

The Stormboyz and Glida Nobz assaulted the defences, destroying the guns, the bastion, and the squishy pink hummies inside. Warboss Sean and his paraNobz took point-blank fire from three Imperial Autocannon and an infantry squad without casualty, thanks to the effective work of their Painboy. Unfortunately the Stormboyz accidentally detonated a crate of ammunition while destroying the gun, suffering heavy casualties in the resulting explosion.

And as dawn rose, the 6th Orkborne were pressing on to capture the strategic Wyvern Bridge. If they could hold it, they might block any counterattack by the 21st Space marines from reaching the invasion beaches.

The initial Firestorm destroyed both the central bunker, and a house in Fungus-sur-Mer containing an Imperial commander (who escaped the barrage). Unfortunately, the landings did not go as planned: two-thirds of the first wave was sunk at sea by Imperial Guard heavy weapons fire, leaving only a limited number of Boyz to storm the beaches.

Being Boyz, however, they Waaagh-ed forward regardless, plunging headlong into the withering fire of massed Imperial Guard troops.

The second wave arrived, but more than half of its boats would be sunk too—including all the Greenskin heavy armour.

Mobz of Kommandoz and Tankbustas did make it ashore, and ran forward up the beach.

Some of the Boyz even made it up and over the wall. Bunkers were ripped apart, and those unfortunately Impies who remained in the trenches were slaughtered.

The 6th Orkborne, having captured Wyvern Bridge, waited for the inevitable counter-attacks.

They weren’t long in coming. First Imperial Guard and then Space Marine reinforcements moved against them.

The 6th Orkborne fought valiantly, but would eventually be overcome.

At Orkeham the Imperial Guard counterattacked too, trying to push the Orks back into the sea.

The Ork leadership fought to the bitter end. Here Warboss Vince and a small group of MegaNobz prepare to rip a hole in the seawall. There aren’t many surviving Orks to exit the beach, but dammit it was one of the objectives and they’re damn well going to do it.

To the East, Mad Doc Daryl would lead his rapidly dwindling group of Boyz on a destructive rampage, until finally brought down by a closing ring of Imperial steel. Warboss Rex, who never made it ashore, would wish he taken swimming lessons (or that KFF generators floated).